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Madonna Impersonator Nadya Ginsburg Chats With Us (as Madonna)

Nadya Ginsburg
Nadya Ginsburg
Photo by Gabriel Goldberg

Actress, writer for E!'s Fashion Police and Madonna impersonator Nadya Ginsburg (she does a hilarious, spot-on Cher, too) will be doing her one-woman show, Madonnalogues, at the Cavern Club tonight and Oct. 23.

Ginsberg, in perfect character as Madonna, sat down to talk with us about the pop diva's current tour, politics and her number one nemesis.

Shalom, Esther. How has your tour been treating you?

The tour that promotes MDNA, my most personal album to date, which is a cheeky play on words about one of the hottest new drugs on the market besides Boniva? Well, it's no secret that the poetess Anne Sexton has always had a great influence on my work, and you can really hear it in the lyrics on MDNA, especially those that reference burning up and sipping Tanqueray. I was evolving at break-neck speed while making this record, ceaselessly striving, as usual, to be both liked and to become much better than you.

Every one of my shows must have a dramatic arc. The first act is usually about transgression, so I chose songs inspired by consuming trans fats while Googling Scarlett Johansson. That sets the tone of the journey that I hope leads to illumination and positive action, and by positive action I mean I hope it inspires gay men all over the world to shove three hits of ecstasy up their asses, and then in a weakened and vulnerable condition, log on to my merch store to pay for Rocco's Capoeira lessons and our summer vacation home in Ibiza.

You recently called President Obama a "black Muslim" during a show in Washington, D.C. Were you being ironic, or are you really an undercover Mossad agent sent to expose the government?

Yes, I was being ironic, much in the same way Alanis Morissette was being ironic when she used the word to explain getting gonnoreah on your wedding day, or finding a big turd in your Beaujolais. In other words, she described things that are bummers. When I called Barack Obama a black Muslim I used the word ironic to ironically defend something I said that was a real bummer. If you don't understand that you will have to purchase this $12 dollar bottle of Kabbalah water and this $35 piece of mystical red string.

Can you tell us who you're voting for?

I'm going to vote for Barack Obama, the candidate who supports women's rights, 'cause girls just wanna have fun. I just made that up.

Are you still planning on stripping if Obama is re-elected?

I plan on stripping as long as the bills keep rolling in. Do you know how much an Endermologie Cellulite Reduction machine costs?

You've voiced your support for Pussy Riot, but isn't it true you secretly resent them for thrusting their crotch upon the world when you've been doing it much, much longer?

Actually, it's funny you're asking me this because I just put together the look book for my upcoming vaginal rejuvenation. I'm either going to go with the Selena Gomez or the Justin Bieber. But in answer to your question no, there is no resentment. As the great humanitarian Hugh Hefner once said, "There's enough pussy to go around for everyone. Barbie, honey, would you snort some more coke off my balls?" When I heard of the barbaric disregard for the basic rights of Pussy Riot as artists, citizens and human beings, I immediately found a way to incorporate them into the section of my show where I flash my junk, and I started following the pretty one on Twitter.

Seen any good impersonators lately?

I'd say Lady Gaga but you said good, so no.

Your feud with Lady Gaga is even bigger than the crisis in the Middle East. What do your Kabbalistic advisors say about scissor-kicking the bitch to the curb?

I would prefer to keep my opinion on Israel and Palestine for the fans who sold a kidney to buy a ticket to my show. They deserve to hear my lecture about Middle East peace relations live and in concert. And let me tell you, it's a real toe tapper. In terms of violence, like the great black, gay, Jewish prophet Jesus once said, "Turn the other check, but don't spread em, unless, of course you're into that. Or if there's a speaking part up for grabs."

For the record I study the Kabbalah, but do not follow any practice blindly, unless I can't find my reading glasses. The Kabbalah wasn't able to salvage Demi and Ashton's marriage. Rabbi Berg took them both camping last Yom Kippur to atone, but things quickly went sour when Demi ordered Ashton to get on all fours and squeal like a brisket. In terms of Lady Gaga, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and is much easier to take when the person doing the imitating is not very attractive.

You're 54 and in amazing shape. How do you do it?

Have you seen what happens to women over 50 who don't have the body of a pre-pubescent Russian gymnast and who dare to wear short shorts in public? If I let my freak flab fly it would make the Salem witch trials look like MTV's My Sweet 16. Looking good is my job. I know my audience and I know what they want from me, which is to look good forever, deliver the man candy and write songs that keep it light and keep it moving so they can get their cardio on and then go in the back room and show their cock for a shot. That's the reality of the music industry. If you want art, go see WE. That's a Truth and a Dare, which is not only a groundbreaking film, it's a fragrance and a new line of shoes available exclusively at Aldo. Yeah, you heard me right, Aldo.

You're a dancer, singer, actress, director, entrepreneur and, in Africa, a white Oprah. What's your next persona?

Well, as you know I have done it all. I've embodied every archetype from an S&M Swiss mistress to a New Age cowboy to an East Indian chief, and I've raped and pillaged every culture between Puerto Rico and the Fertile Crescent. I think in my next persona I will embody the personage of an African-American feminist novelist -- I'm thinking someone like Alice Walker, who looks like a way more vascular Rihanna. Listen, I gotta run. My young 24-year-old lover Brahim is texting me, and he's hungry and I don't want to miss the Early Bird special. He gets really cranky when he doesn't get his smiley-face pancakes. And before you judge me, remember, the heart wants what the heart wants, and sometimes that just happens to be an uncircumcised nine-incher.

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Cavern Club Theater

1920 Hyperion Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

323-969-2530

www.cavernclubtheater.com


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