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L.A. Man Solves Drought With "Just Use Ocean Water" Plan

Brentwood resident Jason Snider presents his plan.EXPAND
Brentwood resident Jason Snider presents his plan.
Lindsey Barrow

At a town hall meeting to discuss California's drought with Gov. Jerry Brown last night, Brentwood resident Jason Snider wowed the crowd by presenting a plan he calls "Just Use Ocean Water," which Brown ordered to be implemented immediately.

Snider, a substitute teacher, said in his presentation that he got the idea during a marathon viewing of the TV show Hawaii Five-0. "There are so many shots of ocean water that I thought, 'Man, I'd sure hate to be thirsty while watching this show.' And that's when it hit me." He added that he had recently read about the drought problem online and easily put two and two together.

"We only need two items, a hose and a tanker truck," Snider said. "The first part is to make a hose into a siphon. My cousin Terry could help with that. Terry would siphon the ocean water into a big tanker truck and then we could easily transport it to the crops and people."

Snider added, "Terry's a real genius with a siphon - he hasn't paid for gas in years."

The plan has already received lots of positive feedback from environmental leaders. "Al Gore called and thanked me for my ingenuity and quick thinking," Snider said.

Environmental researchers were left awestruck upon hearing the news. "We've been plugging numbers in every which way and the answer was right there in front of us the whole time," said Dr. Loretta Craft, a professor of agricultural and environmental sciences at UC Davis. "I'm embarrassed. I don't know if I should still do science anymore."

Marta Beeler, a 42-year-old Santa Monica mother of two and a die-hard water conservationist, was relieved she would be able to stop using some of her more extreme conservation tactics. "My family hasn't showered in days," Beeler said. "And that's been pretty rough with two little soccer players running around. Do you know how much kids actually sweat? A lot." Beeler added that she was most excited to go home and flush the toilet.

Snider doesn't blame the researchers for not coming up with the answer sooner. "You know, I can't believe I was the first one to think of it. But like Al Gore said to me, 'Goliath wasn't struck down by the most qualified person for the job, he was struck down by the one with the most heart.' And I like that."

Snider has a busy few weeks ahead of him, as he prepares to meet with President Obama to present his "Just Agree to Disagree" plan, which is intended to bring peace to the Middle East.

See also: 16,751 People Found Using One Westside Rentals Account


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