Get Off My Shuz Or I'll Betch Slap You
Now you too can learn to talk like a transvestite shoe-whore from Tarzana - and it's all thanks to an educational YouTube movie currently doing the rounds.
Entitled 'Shoes', this three-minute gem rocked my shallow world with its tale of Kelly, a JT Leroy-a-like with bigger tits, who goes stiletto shopping with her homegirls after being dissed by her parents on her birthday.
Here's what I learned -
The Late Night Show with Stuart and Luke!
TicketsFri., Jul. 28, 11:00pm
TicketsSat., Jul. 29, 11:00am
TicketsSat., Jul. 29, 8:00pm
Voices By Nightfall - for the Benefit of Nonprofit Organizations Fabag
TicketsSat., Jul. 29, 8:30pm
No Mas Drama 2
TicketsSun., Jul. 30, 8:00am
1. It's all about vowel substitution - eg: "bitch" becomes "betch". And "shoes" become "shuz".
2. When a pair of shuz costs $300 fucking dollars - you fucking get 'em.
3. Shopping for shuz should always be accompanied by poolside raves attended by a men in shiny purple jumpsuits and robots.
4. And when the cunty sales assitant tells you that "this style runs small, I don't think they're gonna fit your feet" you spew the wrath of a thousand Jehovahs, and threaten her with a Burning Man Fire Hoop Dancer. That'll teach the betch.
"Shoes" has been around since August, when it was posted online by a guy called Liam Sullivan, aka Kelly. Kelly had been performing her two songs - Shoes and Let Me Borrow That Top - at O'Brien's in Santa Monica, and ended up creating the music video for Shoes apparently due to "overwhelming demand". Thats what Kelly's publicist said. That's right, Kelly has a publicist - Shoes has gone viral on YouTube and MySpace and now Kelly has turned her cross-dressing and shoe fetishes into a viable career path, with an 11-song CD and Kelly ringtones and wallpapers being launched this fall.
Way to shop, betch.
Posted by Caroline Ryder
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Los Angeles, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.