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Dr. Craig, Neighborhood Astrologer: Predicting the Fate of Four L.A. 'Hoods

Dr. Craig, Neighborhood Astrologer: Predicting the Fate of Four L.A. 'Hoods
Illustration by Fred Noland

Angelenos are crazy about their astrology. We're dying to know what's in the stars for future loves, riches and life's whopping changes (positive or otherwise). But what about the city itself?

LA Weekly sat down with local celebrity astrologer Dr. Craig to uncover L.A.'s star sign, and to grab a few predictions for a handful of Southland locales in terms of the economy, style and politics. Dr. Craig is long on experience with typical types of clients both locally and worldwide, but he also commands the capable chart-reading chops to look inside a city's complex urban soul - this being a very specialized level of understanding indeed.

Dr. Craig, Neighborhood Astrologer: Predicting the Fate of Four L.A. 'Hoods

4. Los Angeles

For Los Angeles city proper, we took the very old founding date of the original pueblo de Los Angeles on September 4, 1781. What Dr. Craig found in L.A.'s chart is the passionate Virgo heart of a vain, raspy-voiced starlet. We're picturing a gin-swilling Joan Crawford (above) in a jeweled turban.

Dr. Craig's take: "Los Angeles has to be the center of everything. L.A. is high maintenance, and thrives on relationships built by having powerful friends. Its moon is in Aries and that means a constant struggle with egos. There is a strong presence for glamorous, older women and their relationships -- and a strong presence of the maternal image. These two are likely connected and there will be an opportunity for a renaissance of independent, glamorous moms -- women who really can have it all."

The Prediction: "In 2013 Saturn moves into Scorpio and sex appeal will swing away from mature glamour and back to the hot young things -- the Brigitte Bardots, the Marilyn Monroes."

Men on a spiritual quest?
Men on a spiritual quest?
Lina Lecaro

3. West Hollywood

For this raging Sagittarius, we took the city incorporation date of November 29,1984. Born during the darkest days of the AIDS crisis, WeHo is pride central and an arts-patronizing powerhouse, but, according to Dr. Craig, has so much touchy-feely empathy that it gets itself all in a tizzy when it can't listen enough to its residents and their needs.

Dr. Craig's take: "West Hollywood's chart is very intense. West Hollywood is sensitive and emotional and carries a certain heaviness in its concern for everyone in the community. I'd expect this from Santa Monica, but with West Hollywood, that's interesting. West Hollywood works hard to create a specific social reputation. They have Mars in Aquarius and that suggests a collective of men involved in a spiritual quest. How amazing is that?"

The prediction: "Although cities everywhere are having a rough time in this economy, West Hollywood is going to have an even greater compassionate voice in the coming months -- they're going to try even harder to live up to their ideal in terms of providing services and taking care of residents."

Britney Spears in Malibu
Britney Spears in Malibu
britneyfans.org

2. Malibu

Malibu (incorporated March 28, 1991) is such an Aries. This self-made, self-aware and beautiful destination for the rich and famous has a surprise in store.

Dr. Craig's take: "Malibu has Neptune in Capricorn and that means movie industry types. Malibu doesn't foster easy friendships, and the good relationships it does have are old and were hard to make. The community is tight knit, quite closed-off and there is a lot of talk. Malibu also has Venus in Taurus, which means beauty and place; in other words it has a beautiful landscape, which we all know is true."

The prediction: "There will be a sudden, dramatic change in Malibu over the next year. But not a natural one, not a landslide or something like that. Malibu's identity is going to shift and its not going to be so easy for residents to take. On a very local level, something that is very global will affect the wealthiest people in the community."

Mug shots of "the Bell Eight"
Mug shots of "the Bell Eight"
Ted Soqui

1. The City of Bell

Poor, poor Bell. How could such a young city (November 29, 2005) make a mess of itself so early on? Apparently Bell's fate was already written in the stars long before any residents or media outlets uncovered the city council's royal jilting of its citizens and their coffers.

Dr. Craig's take: "Oh boy, if Bell were my client I would've told them, "be careful with your money and your family's money." The chart for the city of Bell has Neptune square Mercury -- which means betrayal -- and Scorpio, which is collectively held money, bad combination.

The prediction: "Not all is lost. Bell has strong grassroots ideals and has a great potential for a calling to the fight for higher causes."

To hire Dr. Craig for your 'hood (or yourself) go to www.doctorcraig.com.

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