9 Things to Watch If You're in the Mood to Punch a Nazi
Martin Wuttke as Hitler in Inglourious Basterds
Following the public clowning of noted Nazi Richard Spencer, who was recently punched in the face, (several other lesser-known Nazi dudes also have been punched), the internet has been aflame with stupid takes trying to answer the moral quandary: Is it OK to punch a Nazi?
The good news is the question is easy to answer, and you don't need to read any of those bush-league ethicists' drivel.
Yes, it's OK to punch Nazis.
In fact, it's not just OK; it's GOOD to punch them, in the same way it's good to defend your life against anyone who is openly trying to extinguish it.
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It's good to defend your life against fascism, tyranny and all-around worthless people with worthless ideas. It's bad to be a Nazi. Clear? You don't need a magazine article to let you know if what you're doing is moral or not. You be the judge, because all rational thought has been flushed out of our country.
If you openly identify as a Nazi, be warned: There's a good chance you're gonna get punched in the face. If you hate Nazis, well, you're not alone. There's more of you than there are Nazis. During the past 80 years, film and television have frequently espoused anti-Nazi sentiment, and some of what they've produced is very, very entertaining and of general value to the American, freedom-seeking public.
Here are some of the best things to watch when you feel like punching Nazis but there are none in sight.
9. X-Men: First Class (2011)
Magneto is famously a bad dude because he had to see his family get killed in the Holocaust. That's a pretty good reason to be upset and to turn to a life of crime, because how could anyone follow the rules in a world where we let the Holocaust happen? It's bleak. But Magneto gets his revenge on a slithering Nazi worm played by Kevin Bacon in this gruesome turn. Penny for your thoughts?
8. The Breaking Bad finale (2013)
Say what you will about Breaking Bad at the end there. It was a silly, over-the-top finale. And the finale is an absurd Rube Goldberg constructed plot that ends in, you guessed it, Nazis getting what's comin' to 'em. The show made a very pronounced point at its conclusion: Walter White is a mass-murdering fuck bucket, but he's still not as bad as those goddamn neo-Nazis.
7. Wizards (1977)
Wizards is one of those scary animated movies you'd always see at the video store if you were an '80s kid. It owns. It's a story about a dark wizard who ends up using Nazi propaganda to brainwash a ghoulish army. The cute, cuddly wizard has to take on the sleazebag Nazi wizard at the end. The cute little garden gnome–looking wizard ices this Nazi lover with a pistol at the end. It's good. I could only find the Spanish version on YouTube, but it gets the point across.
6. The Rocketeer (1991)
The Rocketeer is one of those sleeper gems from the early '90s that never really found a wide audience. There are many examples of Nazi punching in this story, but the highlight comes at the end when — after getting punched and kicked around — Nazi-collaborating shithead Sinclair is roasted in the L.A. sky like a cheap firecracker.
5. The Great Escape (1963)
The Great Escape is a terrific film. If you've seen Chicken Run, you basically know the plot. Based on real events, it follows a bunch of Allied soldiers who are trying to escape a Nazi POW camp. But it doesn't have the happiest of endings; a lot of the good guys don't make it out. But the point is they give these Nazi mouthbreathers a real run for their money. Sometimes evil shitbags win the battle, which is a legitimate lesson, even if comes via a big Hollywood film. But eventually, Nazis lose. They always do.
4. Lifeboat (1944)
Lifeboat is a tricky morality play, all set on a lifeboat. In it, a bunch of Americans have to decide whether or not to kill a Nazi who survived the U-Boat explosion. They decide to be humane, which they later regret. Which is a reminder: You don't need to be humane to people who want to extinguish large groups of people based on their skin color, sexual orientation, religion or nationality. Here's the whole movie; skip ahead to 1:03:30 to see this Nazi get mauled by good people.
3. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Steven Spielberg, by all accounts, is a pretty laid-back dude. But, boy does he like casting Nazis as the villains in his films. And this is one of the all-time classic cinematic mass merkings of Nazi scumfucks. The cool thing about this one is that the Nazis literally do it to themselves.
2. Der Fuehrer's Face (1943)
You know you've fucked up at life when Donald Duck is owning you so hard. This Disney piece of anti-Nazi propaganda makes a mockery of Hitler, Himmler and Goebbels, and ends with Hitler getting smacked in the face with a tomato. Disney's history with Jews is a checkered one, but here we can all agree that Hitler and anyone supporting him has a soft brain. As Leonard Maltin says, "It's typical and sometimes even useful to demonize your enemy."
1. Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Inglourious Basterds is good. Maybe it's Tarantino's last film we can all pretty much agree is good (and doesn't feature the director's troubling addiction to the "n" word). It, of course, tells the story of a bunch of Jews led by Brad Pitt (lol) on a mission to kill Hitler and his dickhead cronies. There's something about Eli Roth's face at the end, when he's putting an insane amount of bullets into Hitler's pulpy corpse, that is extremely satisfying for any halfway decent person to watch. Sure, Christopher Waltz is the prototypical "dapper Nazi," and he is charming as fuck in this star turn, but it's so beautiful watching all these Nazis get their comeuppance. It's a bloody finale of operatic proportions. Total Nazis snuffed out of existence: very many. But never enough.
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