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5 Least Romantic Valentine's Day Dates in L.A.

5 Least Romantic Valentine's Day Dates in L.A.
Rachel Roderman

Caught in a bad romance? So bad that you can't even bear to think about chocolate or candlelight with your partner?

Lucky for you, we have compiled a list of the five least romantic Valentine's Day dates in Los Angeles you'll go gaga over.

5 Least Romantic Valentine's Day Dates in L.A.
Rachel Roderman

5. The smell of love is in the air -- well, not love, but it's definitely something

If a public display of affection is not in your Valentine's Day date plan, then pack a picnic and stroll over to the city's best public display of replica mammoths romantically sinking to their demise: the La Brea Tar Pits. Located in the heart of Hancock Park, the tar pits consist of excavated oil seeping from the earth like love from your heart. As you accidentally sit in piles of tar while staring awkwardly into your lover's Ray-Bans, let the sweet taste of chocolate treats usurp the regret you have about wearing your "good" jeans. The Page Museum at the La Brea Tar Pits, 5801 Wilshire Blvd. The park is accessible to the public and the museum is free from 9:30 a.m.-5 p.m.

5 Least Romantic Valentine's Day Dates in L.A.
Rachel Roderman

4. Surround yourself with dropped-dead gorgeous celebs

Already regretting your plan to pop "'till death do us part?" Why not turn on the magic exactly where it might end (if you become famous)...Hollywood Forever Cemetery. This celebrity cemetery is the red carpet for the Oscars of the underworld. Tour the grounds for tombstones of late greats like director Cecil B. De Mille and the original Hollywood starlet herself, Florence Lawrence. Plus you and the fiancée can argue over where to lay your neighboring plots -- maybe next to the future site of Brangelina? What better place to get laid...to rest! Hollywood Forever is on Santa Monica Boulevard between Western & Vine and is open daily from 7 a.m.-6 p.m.

5 Least Romantic Valentine's Day Dates in L.A.
Flickr/drhundertwasser

3. Crazy for you

Think you're crazy about each other, huh? How about finding out how crazy the two of you really are? Head on into Psychiatry: An Industry of Death Museum at the Hollywood home of the Citizens Commission on Human Rights. Explore this health showcase hand-in-hand with your honey bunny as you lovingly debate the contradictions of psychiatric treatment and get ready to overdose on each other's love. CCHR, 6616 Sunset Blvd.; admission is free. Open Valentine's Day from 10 a.m.-10 p.m.

5 Least Romantic Valentine's Day Dates in L.A.
Rachel Roderman

2. Smoggy with a chance of severed heads

You've probably heard the exciting news that body parts have been found in the luscious Hollywood Hills recently, which is even more reason to keep your loved ones close and your whistles closer. Walk or saddle up to the Hollywood Sign via the many Griffith Park trails available to the public and enjoy a horse manure-scented experience for two. Entry to Griffith Park during daylight hours at 730 Crystal Springs Drive.

5 Least Romantic Valentine's Day Dates in L.A.
rockingchairs.com

1. Solid as a rock[ing chair]

Valentine's Day is the perfect opportunity to steer clear of knocking boots and start thinking about spending your boring, old days together in rocking chairs. L.A.'s Rocking Chair Store has every kind of rocking chair, glider and ottoman you could imagine for your mothball-scented future. Practice sitting and being fed soft food next to the love of your life, utilize a stable young store clerk to help you up, or even just sit and rock the day away while you nap in the storefront sun. L.A. Rocking Chair Store, 304 S. La Brea Ave.

Follow @rachelroderman and @LAWeeklyArts on Twitter.


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