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Afterdark

Five Fabulous Places To Fuck In Los Angeles

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Fri, Oct 26, 2012 at 4:00 PM
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So you're horny, and you have a willing partner, and you're getting ready to round the bases into home. You could head to the bedroom for a traditional sesh, but why be so predictable? Why not fuck your way all around the city? Here are five of our favorite locations to get nasty. We do not make any promises about their legality when it comes to sex:

1. The Beach

Your options for fucking on the beach in Los Angeles are, of course, myriad. You could go the "we will definitely get caught" route and head out to the pier on Santa Monica, or you could head up Highway 1 and drop by a more secluded location where you probably won't get caught but if you do you will likely get fined when local millionaires call the police, like El Matador State Beach in Malibu.

2. The Place At The Griffith Observatory Where They Filmed The Knife Fight In "Rebel Without A Cause"

This one's going to be difficult, because it's right there out in the open at the Griffith Observatory, so you'll have to find a time either when no one is around or when one or the other of you is wearing a skirt that can be easily and subtly lifted. But it's a fun one, because afterwards, every time that the knife fight scene comes up in conversation (and come up it does, during every "important places in Los Angeles cinematic history" discussion), you can say, "oh yeah, I once had sex there." BOOM.

3. The Bathroom At Bar Marmont

I was just recently introduced to the notion of a "sex bathroom." Have you heard of this? It is little more - nay, nothing more - than a bathroom designed for single occupancy. Like an airplane bathroom, or the bathroom at a fancy restaurant...or, like the bathroom at Bar Marmont, Chateau Marmont's alcoholic attachment.

Having sex there is a manoeuvre dangereuse, what with the fact that like joining the mile-high club, you will inevitably have to walk away from the scene and go past a few people who will know what your dirty ass just did. But not only is it worth it just for the prestige of it all (Lindsay Lohan lived in the adjoining hotel!), there's an added bonus: Because Chateau Marmont is such a hot celebrity destination, you'll be able to have a delightful private moment of joy every time you pick up a tabloid.

4. The Parking Lot At The Arclight

Drive up to the top, there, you shameless whore, park your car, and have at it. If you do it during the day you won't get caught. No one fucking goes up there if they don't have to. If you do it at night, be sure to steam up the windows.

5. The Huntington Gardens

Talk about scandal! While everyone else is walking around with their parents who are visiting from out of town, or taking some tea inside in a desperate ploy to reclaim their classy side, you will be boning in the depths of the rose garden. Just be careful to avoid thorns. Also, try not to destroy to much of the flora while you're going at it. Honestly. You monster.

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