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Health & Wellness

The Truth About Broken Penises & How to Avoid the Horror

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Mon, Jul 2, 2012 at 12:00 PM

click to enlarge donkey.jpg

Are you sitting down for this one? The following information may prove to be invaluable. Heed the calamitous tale of penile fractures! Bumps and bruises in bed -- dramatic and acrobatic penetration -- dick accidents can and do happen.

Oh my.

The medical speak. So, nestled inside the penis are "corpora cavernosa" -- two tubular masses of membrane that become engorged during sexual arousal. Fiber-like "tunica albugina" protect and encase these masses. The protective layer may tear and rupture (imagine two long water balloons). Upon fracture, the aroused member will immediately go flaccid and start to discolor. Post-traumatic symptoms are characterized by persistent pain and swelling. Urethral injury may occur in severe cases. Prompt medical attention and surgical repair is required. Otherwise, the scar tissue will cause permanent damage.

MOAN. CRY.

Through fascination and sheer intrigue -- After Dark got a hold of local urologist and private practitioner, Dr. Leonard Liang in his downtown office. Asking : "What is a Penile Fracture?"

A penile fracture happens when an erect penis is accidentally bent with enough force to rupture the structures in the penis that form an erection. This can occur accidentally during intercourse, usually in the cowgirl or doggy positions, when the penis misses the partner's opening and slams against the partner's body. Sometimes one hears a "pop." There is always significant swelling and bruising. This is a medical emergency and requires immediate surgical repair in order to avoid permanent disability.

Bloody hell, those are the fun positions! Case studies in other countries seem to be hiding indiscretions by blaming donkey bites and random accidents.

In the United States, the majority of cases are the result of traumatic coitus, usually from thrusting an erect penis against the symphysis pubis or perineum. In Japan, only 19% of cases are attributed to sexual intercourse, with the majority of cases reported as the result of masturbation and rolling over in bed onto an erect penis. A majority of the cases in Mediterranean countries are the result of patients kneading and snapping their penis during erection to achieve detumescence. In Iran, only 8% of the cases were attributed to sexual intercourse; the remaining cases were due to self-manipulation and potentially fabricated events, such as a donkey bite to the erect penis, a man falling from a mountain onto his erect penis, and a brick falling onto an erect penis. Other rare reports in the world literature include cases resulting from banging an erect penis against a toilet, masturbating into a cocktail shaker, and placing an erect penis into tight pants. --Rev Urol. 2004 Summer; 6(3): 114-120.

click to enlarge handle with care
  • handle with care
Public intrigue surrounding this phenomenon was introduced through a 2009 episode of Grey's Anatomy. CBS followed suit with a segment on The Doctors. No need to fear, America -- the numbers are in our favor. Only 1 in 125,000 hospital visits are attributed to this emergency. Whew. (Though the Google image search is forever emblazoned in mind's eye.)

So today, we learn about broken penises. Please honor this complex organ and exercise caution during all ravenous sex. Also, consider the questionable odds of falling down the stairs with an erection. Just... watch your step! Or... enjoy your dinner? Penile fractures. (Insert apropos moment to saunter away, quietly humming Tenacious D's -- Fuck Her Gently.)

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