Human beings have near-endless ability to sexualize objects and experiences. Most people fall within a narrow band of erotic desires, but our Internet snooping has revealed smaller communities of people who get turned on by things that the vast majority would never, ever consider to be sexy. The following are 10 of the strangest fetishes we've found in literally minutes of in-depth research.
1. Crush Fetish
This fetish entails a person who gets aroused watching another crushing objects, food, bugs or small animals with his or her feet. More popular than you might imagine, the federal government actually passed a law specifically criminalizing interstate sales of so-called "hard crush" videos, which depict the squashing of vertebrate animals like rabbits and puppies. Good for them.
This is sexual attraction to religious or sacred objects, like crucifixes or ministerial garb. However, it does not count when your mom sees a yarmulke on a cute dentist's head at shul.
This lovely condition involves fantasizing about raping and then cannibalizing a person. There is nothing funny about this paraphilia except that it has its own Facebook wall with 52 Likes. No Patrick Bateman to be found, sadly.
This is making a hole in one's pocket in order to masturbate discreetly in public. Sort of a sneakier version of exhibitionism, we have all thought about doing this one at some point, right? Right?
A sexual obsession with being crawled on by insects. We imagine this would have its roots in some type of childhood experience with bugs, but it could just be the end result of a particularly bad coke-binge weekend.
Oculophiles have a sexual fetish for the eye. This sometimes manifests itself in touching, licking or rubbing one's genitals onto someone's actual eyeball, which sounds like the perfect recipe for conjunctivitis.
Piquerism involves having sex with another person while stabbing or cutting his or her body with sharp objects like knifes or ice picks à la Basic Instinct. I think we all have an ex with whom we would like to try this, except without the sex part.
This paraphilia entails being aroused by tears or crying. The best part about this fetish is that you can get off all the time if you just act like an asshole to everyone. This YouTube clip would be the equivalent of hardcore porn to the dacryphile.
This is sexual arousal as a result of being robbed, blackmailed or conned out of money, especially in exchange for supposed service. This would be handy while we file our tax returns for 2011. Maybe we could start an online dating service where we hook these folks up with kleptophiles.
Salirophiles enjoy dirtying or defiling others. It can entail ripping their clothing or messing up their makeup, or even defacing images of celebrities, like statues or pictures in magazines. In other words, being Perez Hilton.