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Top 5 Blow Job Mistakes Women Make That Guys Hate

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Thu, Oct 13, 2011 at 10:54 AM

click to enlarge Watch where she puts that thing.
  • Watch where she puts that thing.

We know you broads think any blow job is a good blow job. That guys are just happy you're there, putting the dick in your mouth.

But if that were the case, we'd get blow jobs from other dudes who have the equipment and know what feels good and what doesn't.

Some broad recently wrote an article about five kissing mistakes that guys make, which seems to insinuate only men do certain shitty things when they kiss and women don't when, in fact, a bad kisser is a bad kisser regardless of gender.

The blow job, however, is another story. When it comes to kissing, men and women both have lips and therefore most of us know how to use them. But women don't have dicks, so it's not uncommon to find one who thinks she's gnawing on a corn cob instead of handling a delicate instrument of pleasure.

In worst case scenarios, there will be a jerk, a shriek of pain or a swift palm strike to the side of your head if you're really a hack. In less extreme instances, you'll just be deemed unsatisfactory as a sexual partner, your number will be lost and you'll be forgotten about.

So, consider this our public service announcement.

1. The Shaft Scraper

click to enlarge Put that thing away.
  • Put that thing away.

The biggest mistake a woman can make and will immediately get her added to the do not call list is being too toothy. Any contact of the teeth with the penis is unacceptable. The worst is when you scrape your teeth up and down the shaft.

Open your damn mouth wide enough to keep your teeth out of the equation. We know it isn't comfortable or normal, but you'll get used to it. When you do, you'll learn that you'll be able to make friends and influence people much better than before.

2. The Tip Taker

click to enlarge Come on. Put it all in there.
  • Come on. Put it all in there.

Just in case you weren't aware, there's a whole cock there. It's more than just the tip. Yeah, OK, that's the most sensitive part and we know the whole thing looks intimidating, but you have try to get more than just the head in your mouth.

Get down the shaft and even work the balls into the mix and you'll have a happy man. You know that porn flick you've seen where the guy is ramming the chick's head up and down on his dick and she's gagging? That's because she probably wasn't taking it all in, and he simply took matters into his own hands.

3. The No-hander

click to enlarge This one's too easy.
  • This one's too easy.

Yeah, it's true. Blow jobs are about sucking cock. While there's absolutely no reason you should confuse it with a hand job and stop using your mouth, there's no reason you should only be using your oral orifice to get the job done.

If we just wanted to feel the inside of a wet hole we could have shoved our dicks in a pail of worms or an apple pie, like in that movie we all saw. Not only will your hands save you from having to constantly deep throat the shaft, but it's key to a well-rounded blow job.

So stroke that shaft and cup those balls!

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