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5 Affordable Aphrodisiacs That'll Get You Skinny AND Horny

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Tue, Mar 22, 2011 at 11:57 AM

click to enlarge Take me. Just don't take me here, here or there.
  • Take me. Just don't take me here, here or there.
It's hard to get in the mood when you feel like a fat-ass. Every girl will tell you that. But what if - according to your Body Mass Index (BMI) - the fat-ass feeling isn't all in your head?

BBC America used to run episodes of a show called "You Are What You Eat" hosted by a petite and oddly off-kilter holistic nutritionist named Gillian McKeith. Her hard-hitting approach to getting people to stop killing themselves with food is as inspiring as it is uncomfortable to watch.

My favorite part of the show was when she'd ask each couple in question about their hot and steamy their sex lives. Most admitted their sex lives were as lukewarm as the leftover curry kebabs they microwaved for breakfast.

Duh.

But after laying out what their typical week's diet included - beige, drippy, lumpy food without a natural color in sight - McKeith laid into why their libidos had disappeared.

When you think of sexy, romantic aphrodisiac foods oysters, chocolates and champagne immediately come to mind. But funny enough the most powerful edible sex-drivers actually grow in the ground and won't give you a hangover or cavity.

Vitamins A, C and E. Zinc. Potassium. Get some.

1. Pumpkin Seeds:

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You can find expensive organic ones at Whole Foods or budget bags (labeled "Pepitas") at Trader Joe's. Pumpkin seeds are crazy high in zinc, which is a stellar mineral for prostate health and getting his nether regions pumping properly. Plus low levels of zinc in the system have been linked to depression and nothing ruins reverse cowgirl in front of a mirror faster than a frown.

And if you feel like eating pumpkin itself, go for it. A late-90s study of the power of scent showed that the smell of pumpkin pie alone boosts blood flow to his nuts and bolts by 40 percent. Watch out on Thanksgiving.

2. Asparagus:

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Asparagus has lots of the wondrous vitamin E which plays a role in the production of sex hormones, and the phallic shape is kinda fun to suck on. The peeps at Peta.org - who, despite their drastic methods of getting their voices heard - are a great source of info for vegans looking for a libido boost.

(While some resources recommend foie gras, eggs, oysters and milk chocolate, these guys fill you in on all the natural aphrodisiac foods that don't come with souls.)

Try eating asparagus three days in a row and see what happens to your naughty bits. His spunk might taste a little odd, though, as we all know how asparagus can affect your bathroom visits. [Insert smelly pee comment here.]

3. Carrots:

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Carrots are packed with vitamin A, responsible for producing sex hormones as well as keeping sperm strong. So for those of you looking for a quick lay without the awkward phone call a month later, stick to asparagus.

4. Pineapple:

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A classic. Sure we've all heard that if your guy's spooge is lacking in the taste department serve him several heaps of pineapple to sweeten the stuff up.

Well pineapple ALSO has a ton of vitamin C, which has been used homeopathically to remedy impotence. That means it's a blood-flower, and ladies we can benefit from that, too.

5. Figs:

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Delicious, sweet and fun to eat. Slice one in half and giggle to yourself at the fig's slight resemblance to the female genitalia. Then take a bite.

Any "Sex and the City" fans out there? Remember Mr. Pussy? The man known for his oral skills - and his utter lack of appeal in any other part of a relationship - steals the scene in episode 15 as he succulently mouth-kisses a series of fruit, figs included.

The way you eat an uber-ripe peach (or fig in this case) is the way every woman wants her vag to be orally treated, at least for a little while. The act of eating one alone can be enough to get the juices flowing on both sides of the table.

Bon appetit!

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