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Positions on Positions

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Mon, Mar 8, 2010 at 12:00 PM
click to enlarge 4545487.41.jpg

The Bridge.

Tatiana says: Sigh, just looking at this makes me want to stretch out my pectorals. Hold on, I'll be right back.


Aah, that's better. This might look fun upon first glance, but honestly, you would have to stretch your biceps, make sure your pecs are limber, and heaven forbid you have a bad wrist! I'm sure it can be fun for a minute, but I like to enjoy what I'm doing in bed, not think about the push-ups I need to do. I can see how it might seem cool, just because you're like, "Holy shit, look at me, I bet this looks awesome. Someone get the camera!" But in reality, you're so busy trying to keep your arms straight, you won't remember that you're being fucked. The benefit of this position, however, is getting in a little yogain during your leisure time.

Also, I've been looking at this animation for some time now, and he has not let up. Where can I get his number?

Ross Says: Every Tuesday, I go to the Red Lobster with Mom. Why am I telling you this? Because on Tuesdays, they have $20 snow crab specials. You really can't beat that. Similarly, if you want to fuck a girl in the crab-walking position, you really can't beat The Bridge.

To put it plainly, The Bridge is wildly uncomfortable for the female partner. But for us guys, a female's comfort in a sexual position is irrelevant and boring. That's what makes the Eiffel Tower the holy grail of sex.

Now personally, I have very short thighs, which means The Bridge always forces my partner into more of a Black Widow crouch that can strain elbows and knees. But like our Tuesday night waterfront Red Lobster, it combines a great view with unparalleled service. Just remember to pack the knee pads.

Tatiana: Wait, what is the Eiffel Tower?
Ross: You're kidding, right? It's a staple of the male sexual palate. Have you really never Eiffeled?
Tatiana: I've never even heard of it... and I've heard of a lot.
Ross: Clearly up for debate. Two guys high-five while double-teaming a female. Pretty much as humiliating as it gets for your sex. Bonjour!
Tatiana: Right. And you know that from all that double-teaming you've done. And you can't just throw in other positions into this review, Ross. "Black Widow?"
Ross: I knew you'd do that. Focus on the one part of my response that touches on my physical shortcoming. I wasn't blessed with long, limber thighs.
Tatiana: You know what they say about a guy with short thighs.
Ross: Sigh. Look at the animation. Now imagine if the guy had shorter thighs. How would the woman have to adjust? A DEEPER crouch.
Tatiana: She would just drop her ass.
Ross: Exactly.
Tatiana: Which would make it much easier and possibly enjoyable.
Ross: I don't see how you can envision thrusting with sharply bent limbs as being easier. 
Tatiana: Not if you were on a soft bed. Where are you doing your sexing?
Ross: The softness doesn't matter. We're not talking about the feet here. Unless you want to... What's it like to have toes that look like they survived Tienanmen Square?
Tatiana: We're never talking about toes.
Ross: We're talking the bending of the knees.
Tatiana: We're talking about ending this conversation.

Tatiana actually TRIED it! See what her vagina thought HERE.

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