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Revised and expanded 2009 edition of Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings
by Rob Brezsny
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ARIES (March 21-April 19): "Don't think about making art, just get it done," said Andy Warhol. "Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art." I encourage you to adopt that mini-manifesto for your own purposes in the coming weeks, Aries. If you're not an artist, simply substitute the appropriate phrase for "making art." It could be "creating interesting relationships," "exploring exotic lands," "changing corrupt political institutions," "fixing environmental problems," or even "making money." The main point is: Focus on doing what drives your quest for meaning, and forget about what people think of it.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A Jungian writer whose name I have unfortunately misplaced made the following observations: "In a man's psyche, the unconscious is experienced as chaotic, filled with violent and irrational processes of generation and destruction. But to a woman's psyche the unconscious is a fascinating matrix of sacred images and rituals which in their wildly contradictory meanings express the secret unity of all life." After analyzing the astrological omens, I suspect that you Taurus men now have an unprecedented opportunity to experience your unconscious as women do. As for you Taurus women: You have the chance to get a vivid, visceral understanding of how true this description of the female unconscious is.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Let's talk about the Decision. I'm referring to the Choice you have been dancing around and fretting about and analyzing to death. By my estimate, there are at least 15 different solutions you could pursue. But just seven of those solutions would meet the requirements of being intelligent, responsible, and fun. Of those seven, only four would be intelligent, responsible, fun, and enduring. Of those four, only two would be intelligent, responsible, fun, enduring, and the best for all concerned. I suggest you opt for one of those two.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): I'm not necessarily asserting that you need to edit yourself, Cancerian. Only you can decide that. But I will state unequivocally that if there is in fact any editing needed, now would be a good time to do it. You will have extra insight about what aspects of your life might benefit from being condensed, corrected, and fine-tuned. It's also true that the rectifications you do in the coming weeks will be relatively smooth and painless. So look into the possibilities, please. Should you calm your blame reflex? Downsize a huffy attitude? Shed some emotional baggage?
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): How many times have you been in love, Leo? Just once or twice? Or have you dived into the depths of amorous togetherness again and again over the years? Whatever the case may be, I bet you have strong ideas about the nature of passionate romance and profound intimacy. That's natural and normal. But I'm going to ask you to temporarily forget everything you think you know about all that stuff. I invite you to become innocent again, cleansed of all your mature, jaded, hopeful, and resentful thoughts about the game of love. In my astrological opinion, there's no better way for you to prepare for what will come next.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): A medical research journal reported on a British woman who accidentally swallowed a felt-tip pen. It lay there in her stomach for 25 years. When surgeons finally removed it, they were surprised to find it still worked. I am not suggesting that anything remotely as exotic or bizarre will be happening to you, Virgo. I do suspect, though, that you will soon have an experience with certain metaphorical resemblances to that event. For example, you may retrieve and find use for an element of your past that has been gone or missing for a long time.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): "Sapiosexual" is a relatively new word that refers to a person who is erotically attracted to intelligence. Urbandictionary.com gives an example of how it might be used: "I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay. I want a sapiosexual." In the coming weeks, Libra, I suspect you will be closer to fitting this definition than you've ever been before. The yearning that's rising up in you is filled with the need to be stimulated by brilliance, to be influenced by wisdom, to be catalyzed by curiosity.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In 2007 the band White Stripes did a tour of Canada. One of their final gigs was outdoors in St. John's, Newfoundland. They came on stage, played one note — a C-sharp — and declared the performance over. It was the briefest rock show in history. Judging from the current astrological omens, Scorpio, I'm thinking it would be a good time for you to do some almost equally pithy things. You have the potential to be extremely concise and intense and focused in all you do. I urge you to fulfill that potential. Pack every speech, gesture, and action with a concentrated wealth of meaning.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Your redesigned thrust vectoring matrix is finally operational. Love those new nozzles! Moreover, you've managed to purge all the bugs from your cellular tracking pulse, and your high-resolution flux capacitor is retooled and as sexy as a digitally-remastered simulation of your first kiss. You're almost ready for take-off, Sagittarius! The most important task left to do is to realign your future shock absorbers. No more than a week from now, I expect you to be flying high and looking very, very good.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The plot twists will be intriguing. The actors may be unpredictable, even erratic. Blossoming and decay will be happening simultaneously, and the line between wisdom and craziness could get blurry. There's not nearly enough room in this little horoscope to describe the epic sweep of the forces working behind the scenes. Are you willing to confront uncanny truths that other people might regard as too unruly? Are you brave enough to penetrate to the depths that others are too timid to look at, let alone deal with? I hope you are, Capricorn, because that will give you the power to ultimately emerge from the drama with your integrity shining and your intelligence boosted.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Psychologists have done studies that suggest we subconsciously adopt the qualities of fictional characters we read about or see in movies. That's not a problem if those characters are smart, ethical, highly motivated people whose ideals are similar to ours. But if the heroes of the stories we absorb are jerks who treat others badly and make messes wherever they go, our imitative urges may lead us astray. Right now is a crucial time for you to be extra careful about the role models you allow to seep into your imagination. You're especially susceptible to taking on their attributes. I say, be proactive: Expose yourself intensely to only the very best fictional characters who embody the heights you aspire to reach.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "The fates guide him who will; him who won't, they drag." So said the ancient Greek philosopher Seneca, and now I'm passing it on to you. It's an excellent time for you to think about the issue. Ask yourself: Have you been cooperating with fate so that it has maximum power to shepherd you? Have you been working closely with fate, giving it good reasons to consistently provide you with useful hints and timely nudges? Or have you been you avoiding fate, even resisting it out of laziness or ignorance, compelling it to yank you along? Spend the next few weeks making sure your relationship with fate is strong and righteous.
Homework: What good old thing could you give up in order to attract a great new thing into your life? Testify at Freewillastrology.com.