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Revised and expanded 2009 edition of Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings
by Rob Brezsny
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): In the coming days, many of your important tasks will be best accomplished through caginess and craftiness. Are you willing to work behind the scenes and beneath the surface? I suspect you will have a knack for navigating your way skillfully and luckily through mazes and their metaphorical equivalents. The mists may very well part at your command, revealing clues that no one else but you can get access to. You might also have a talent for helping people to understand elusive or difficult truths. Halloween costume suggestions: spy, stage magician, ghost whisperer, exorcist.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The coming week could have resemblances to the holiday known as Opposite Day. Things people say may have meanings that are different or even contrary to what they supposedly mean. Qualities you usually regard as liabilities might temporarily serve as assets, and strengths could seem problematical or cause confusion. You should also be wary of the possibility that the advice you get from people you trust may be misleading. For best results, make liberal use of reverse psychology, freaky logic, and mirror magic. Halloween costume suggestion: the opposite of who you really are.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I don't have a big problem with your tendency to contradict yourself. I'm rarely among the consistency freaks who would prefer you to stick with just one of your many selves instead of hopscotching among all nine. In fact, I find your multi-level multiplicity interesting and often alluring. I take it as a sign that you are in alignment with the fundamentally paradoxical nature of life. Having said all that, however, I want to alert you to an opportunity that the universe is currently offering you, which is to feel unified, steady, and stable. Does that sound even vaguely enticing? Why not try it out for a few weeks? Halloween costume suggestion: an assemblage or collage of several of your different personas.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): An avocado tree may produce so much fruit that the sheer weight of its exuberant creation causes it to collapse. Don't be like that in the coming weeks, Cancerian. Without curbing your luxuriant mood, simply monitor your outpouring of fertility so that it generates just the right amount of beautiful blooms. Be vibrant and bountiful and fluidic, but not unconstrained or overwrought or recklessly lavish. Halloween costume suggestion: a bouquet, an apple tree, a rich artist, or an exotic dancer with a bowl of fruit on your head.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I hope your father didn't beat you or scream at you or molest you. If he did, I am so sorry for your suffering. I also hope that your father didn't ignore you or withhold his best energy from you. I hope he didn't disappear for weeks at a time and act oblivious to your beauty. If he did those things, I mourn for your loss. Now it's quite possible that you were spared such mistreatment, Leo. Maybe your dad gave you conscientious care and loved you for who you really are. But whatever the case might be, this is the right time to acknowledge it. If you're one of the lucky ones, celebrate to the max. If you're one of the wounded ones, begin or renew your quest for serious and intensive healing. Halloween costume suggestion: your father.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Do you know how to tell the difference between superstitious hunches and dependable intuitions? Are you good at distinguishing between mediocre gossip that's only ten percent accurate and reliable rumors that provide you with the real inside dope? I suspect that you will soon get abundant opportunities to test your skill in these tasks. To increase the likelihood of your success, ask yourself the following question on a regular basis: Is what you think you're seeing really there or is it mostly a projection of your expectations and theories? Halloween costume suggestions: a lie detector, an interrogator with syringes full of truth serum, a superhero with X-ray vision, a lab scientist.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I am officially protesting you, Libra. I am staging a walkout and mounting a demonstration and launching a boycott unless you agree to my demand. And yes, I have just one demand: that you take better care of the neglected, disempowered, and underprivileged parts of your life. Not a year from now; not when you have more leisure time; NOW! If and when you do this, I predict the arrival of a flood of personal inspiration. Halloween costume suggestion: a symbolic representation of a neglected, disempowered, or underprivileged part of your life.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): "It's so fine and yet so terrible to stand in front of a blank canvas," said French painter Paul Cezanne. Many writers make similar comments about the excruciating joy they feel when first sitting down in front of an empty page. For artists in any genre, in fact, getting started may seem painfully impossible. And yet there can also be a delicious anticipation as the ripe chaos begins to coalesce into coherent images or words or music. Even if you're not an artist, Scorpio, you're facing a comparable challenge in your own chosen field. Halloween costume suggestion: a painter with a blank canvas.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): As you contemplate what you want to be for Halloween, don't consider any of the following options: a thoroughbred racehorse wearing a blindfold; a mythic centaur clanking around in iron boots; a seahorse trying to dance on dry land. For that matter, Sagittarius, I hope you won't come close to imitating any of those hapless creatures even in your non-Halloween life. It's true that the coming days will be an excellent time to explore, analyze, and deal with your limitations. But that doesn't mean you should be overwhelmed and overcome by them. Halloween costume suggestions: Houdini, an escaped prisoner, a snake molting its skin.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "Does anyone know where I can find dinosaur costumes for cats?" asked a Halloween shopper on Reddit.com. In the comments section, someone else said that he needed a broccoli costume for his Chihuahua. I bring this up, Capricorn, because if anyone could uncover the answers to these questions, it would be you. You've got a magic touch when it comes to hunting down solutions to unprecedented problems. Halloween costume suggestion: a cat wearing a dinosaur costume.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Live Monarch Foundation made a video on how to fix a butterfly's broken wing (tinyurl.com/FixWing). It ain't easy. You need ten items, including tweezers, talcum powder, toothpicks, and glue. You've got to be patient and summon high levels of concentration. But it definitely can be done. The same is true about the delicate healing project you've thought about attempting on your own wound, Aquarius. It will require you to be ingenious, precise, and tender, but I suspect you're primed to rise to the challenge. Halloween costume suggestion: herbalist, acupuncturist, doctor, shaman, or other healer.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It's not a good time to wear Super-Control Higher-Power Spanx, or any other girdle, corset, or restrictive garment. In fact, I advise you not to be a willing participant in any situation that pinches, hampers, or confines you. You need to feel exceptionally expansive. In order to thrive, you've got to give yourself permission to spill over, think big, and wander freely. As for those people who might prefer you to keep your unruly urges in check and your natural inclinations concealed: Tell them your astrologer authorized you to seize a massive dose of slack. Halloween costume suggestions: a wild man or wild woman; a mythical bird like the Garuda or Thunderbird; the god or goddess of abundance.
Homework: Exhausted by the ceaseless barrage of depressing stories you absorb from the news media? Here's an antidote: http://PronoiaResources.com.