Great Aunt Sophie has returned from Provence, where she has been working on “We Suck Sealtits: The Story Of GibneySqueaks.” She would not reveal how much Disney Movies paid her for the rights to her biography of Alex Gibney.
“Did you interview him?”
“I took him to McDonalds, bought him two Double Quarter Pounders with cheese, bacon, mayonnaise, ketchup, and mustard, and a chocolate chip mocha frappe. He talked for six hours about Julian spreading his seed. And he wanted to be paid.”
“He said the going rate for an interview was twenty-five dollars. I refused, of course. But I’ve interviewed his mother-in-law, three of his ex-wives, his seventeen-year-old daughter, his lawyer, his psychiatrist, his hairdresser, his dog-sitter, a US Navy SEAL, and the Pope.
“Gibney has a hairdresser?”
“Had. I don’t want to spoil it for you.”
“What’s the deal with the SEAL?”
“He plays Battle Hymn of the Republic on a set of diatonic bicycle horns.”
“How’d you get him to do it?”
“Two hundred pounds of salmon.”