Twelve Tales of Sexual Mortification

The cops had filed a thorough report with Alicia's parents, down to the color of the condoms.

"Why were you using condoms? Aren't you on the pill?" asked her mom. "Is he sleeping with other girls? Are you worried about STDs?"

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"It turns out he was sleeping with other people," Alicia says. "So the condoms were an extragood idea."

Her dad didn't speak to her for weeks.

4. The Lesbians Shopping for Sex Toys

Christine's most embarrassing sexual moment is happening right now. She and her new girlfriend Teresa, 47, are shopping for sex toys. Out of a big shopping bag, Teresa pulls a double-ended dildo, a personal massager, a strap-on dildo with leather harness and a slim, pink vibrator. Christine cringes. Teresa keeps a running commentary as she inspects the various items, while Christine looks on in mild horror. "That's a starter one. ... This goes on both of us. ... We're still struggling with that one. ... And this is just 'cause I want a vibrator that will be out of my way, so I can still use my tongue, I'm very creative ... and then we got a new strap-on because I was getting a little frustrated with the old strap-on. You don't want a buckle, because you want something that cinches."

"We did some shopping," Christine summarizes.

Christine, who works in finance, left her husband for Teresa. She had never been with a woman before. She never considered herself bisexual, still doesn't and probably never will. Teresa, she says, will be her one and only. They had a connection — intellectual, emotional — and they're working out the physical. "I'd fallen for her, the person," Christine says.

"I thought she'd had too much wine," Teresa says.

Christine laughs. "We had a lot of wine."

They kept it to fingers, tongues and mouths the first time they had sex. It was familiar, Christine says. The mechanics and sensations were the same as she'd experienced with a man. "Though the first time you tried that on me, it was uncomfortable," says Christine, pointing to the dildo. She can barely look at it. She shakes her head, and a profusion of honey curls falls across her face. She covers her mouth. "It was baby steps. The first thing she said to me was 'Just be.' Then she said, 'Just be ... with me.' "

They'd met playing Bocce ball at a country club. They progressed to golf. Then to drinks. Then to love. They had so much in common. Christine had never been attracted to women that way before. "It's not that I was lusting after sex with women. It's more that I want to please her," she says. "I didn't know what to expect. But she's very knowledgeable. She's been with a lot of beautiful women."

5. The Man Who Likes Feet

Mansour doesn't just have one embarrassing moment — he has a series. That's because Mansour likes feet. He's had a foot fetish ever since he was a child. He doesn't know where it came from, only that when his mom's friends would come over, he would stare at their feet and play with their shoes.

The desire grew as he got older, but so did the shame: "A lot of women, they're not into feet." When he would tell them about his fetish, they'd be grossed out by it. "Even if it's their feet. Women, they like foot massages, but if you want to suck on their toes, they're not OK with it. Especially if you want them to stroke you off using their feet. They think it's just really, really weird." He shakes his head.

But, he says, it's more common than they want to admit. "Feet and shoes is the No. 1 fetish in America. Over bondage and cross-dressing," he says. "A lot of men pay attention to women's feet but don't say anything about it. It only takes one woman saying 'ewww' for us to go, 'OK, I'm never telling another woman again.' "

The first time Mansour told a girl about it, she did not understand. "What do you mean you like feet?" she demanded.

He explained that he likes to kiss feet, suck on toes, use feet to masturbate with. She didn't stick around. Then for seven years he was with a woman who accepted his proclivity but never showed enthusiasm for it, which "kind of ruins the mood," he says.

Strangely, the specificity of his desire wound up helping his dating life. It gave him focus. In time, he took ownership of the fetish: It became a source of pride. Now, at 34, he knows this is who he is and what he likes. Who cares what anyone else thinks?

Then one day, he met a woman with pretty feet, size 6, who liked to tease him with them under the table. He asked her, "Have you ever given a foot job before?"

"No," she said.

"Would you be willing to learn?"

He smiles now at the memory. "The thing that made me love her even more was she kept practicing until she got good at it."

She was bad at first. Then OK. Then decent. Then stellar. Eventually she got so good she could make him come in that position. Hallelujah! Yes, dear reader, he married her.