On Craigslist, women can be this flat-out demanding and not be dismissed as bitches but get plenty of play. Clarissa's ad, for example, got more than 150 responses.
The sexually adventurous, curly-haired brunette isn't averse to casual hookups. The responses started coming in immediately.
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"That was exciting," she says. "Basically, I spent from about 3:30, when I placed the ad, until 9 p.m., when I got tired of reading and responding to messages. Then I got more and more replies, and had fun responding, and considered meeting someone. But then I got bored, and the only one that was really interesting has been reticent."
Her initial ardor cooled, and in the end, Clarissa didn't meet up with even one of her potential sack mates.
What went wrong? "Later that evening, I started to think about all the terrible things that could happen with something like this," she says. The rising fears that dampened her heat ran the gamut: "Getting killed. Getting disappointed. Wasting my time. Jeopardizing my health and my business. Being rejected. Getting emotionally hurt by some thoughtless, shallow swinger with herpes who makes some 'they're not exactly perky' comment about my breasts while expecting me to agree and fuck him anyway."
This is the bell curve many Casual Encounters advertisers travel: initially enticed by the fantasy, but eventually put off by the reality. The fear of mishaps and the heaps of unsolicited penis photos, the TMI, the STDs join forces to make the briefly hot idea of an NSA encounter quickly turn cold.
If you're wondering why that sexy chick suddenly quit answering your e-mails, this sort of rational thought process is probably the reason.
M4M: Easy Street
Gay men are always on the vanguard of any of society's sexual shifts, for good or ill, from HIV to Grindr, and Josh sees Craigslist as antiquated. He hooked up online as recently as last week, but not via Craigslist. He checks the site from time to time, but, "In reality, I haven't had sex through Craigslist for years and years and years."
With his swimmer's body, unblemished, caramel-colored skin and engaging, lighthearted, party-party personality, this resident of an Elle Decor–worthy West Hollywood apartment is clearly a desirable specimen. Josh is in a committed relationship, but his partner has a job that forces him to travel out of town frequently; even when his boyfriend is home, his sex drive simply doesn't match Josh's.
So Josh looks online for casual hookups often, and has no trouble finding them. However, he's largely left Craigslist behind. "It's like that Margaret Cho joke, where she calls Craigslist 'the PennySaver of sex,' " he says. "If you're a gay man, and you have to resort to Craigslist, maybe it's time to re-evaluate."
Josh prefers a number of other sites to the creaky Craigslist, such as Adam4Adam, BarebackRT (with its high proportion of users who, like himself, are HIV-positive) or his favorite, Manhunt. Manhunt works because its interface has something that Craigslist has stubbornly refused to add: thumbnail photos. "It's faster. Twenty pictures, 20 guys. You decide on two to three options per page, and you click."
Josh adds that no site has eliminated the flake factor, which is ubiquitous in the online world. The other big problem: people exaggerating their attractiveness with dated or miraculously flattering photos.
"One time I opened the door, and it was this huge guy. Not saying that fat people can't have sex, but it's the lying that got me. So I said, 'I'm sorry, I gotta go, it's not going to work.' It's very awkward, but it pisses me off." So Josh closed the door in the face of a hopeful prospect.
Despite the risks, Josh says he'd still choose Craigslist over the bar scene.
"Meeting in bars is too intimate. I don't want to spend money in a bar. I don't want to make myself cute. I don't want small talk, trying to be charming and seductive. It's a lot more effort. On a website, you go straight to the point. I'm looking for someone with no strings attached, one and done. I cannot get involved, because I'm in a relationship. The only thing I want is to have sex."
One benefit of the rise in online sex: Josh concludes that it's made the West Hollywood bar scene a lot more enjoyable.
"Now, people just go to have fun with friends. This idea of going to a bar for sex, very few people do that. Even if you're horny as hell."
W4W: No U-Haul Needed
"Hello ladies, I'm looking for: friends with benefits, casual dating, or a hot onetime hookup, with a sexy, healthy, vivacious woman. I love all races and genders (butch fem, trans or intersex is all good), and I like you pretty, damn good-looking, or super sexy and comfortable in your own skin (or hair, or shoes, or undies ...). To avoid any misunderstanding — I am looking for a WOMAN ONLY. No men, and no male-and-female couples. If you ignore this clause, I will do mean things with your e-mail address. I look forward to meeting! Hugs and kisses!"
