By Hillel Aron
By Joseph Tsidulko
By Patrick Range McDonald
By David Futch
By Hillel Aron
By Dennis Romero
By Jill Stewart
By Dennis Romero
Thinking about cheating? Your little pocket pal wants nothing more than to encourage, aid and abet you in your unquenchable thirst for fulfillment. Downloading these apps won't make your life any less complicated (in fact, they're likely to do just the opposite), but come off it: Simplicity isn't what you're after. The important thing is that you'll get a few fleeting moments of pleasure, and that's always a lot more fun than taking the long view, isn't it?
When You Need: A rationale
Download: the Sexulator, a calendar app that helps you angrily track all of the sex you're not getting from your mate. Bonus: Should you have a change of heart and decide to try for a last-ditch, marriage-saving baby, the Sexulator also is useful for couples trying to conceive.
When You Need: A confidence boost
Download: the Passion app, which uses your iPhone's mic and accelerometer to measure how loud and jiggly you get when you're getting jiggy. It's a simple matter to fool the thing with a bunch of screaming and shaking, but a series of perfect 10s in the app's rating categories — duration, activity and orgasm — do make for good résumé padding. And if you feel your long-term partner is lackluster in the sack, a low Passion app score will provide you with the hard data to prove that you're completely justified in seeking satisfaction elsewhere.
When You Need: A partner
Download: Ashley Madison Mobile, the iPhone version of the famed two-timers' dating service that's tailor-made to throw the family-values crowd into an orgy of hand-wringing. If their chipper "Life is short, have an affair" motto and polished TV commercials aren't enough to green-light your cheating heart, then maybe their huge membership numbers are. Three million members can't be wrong, can they? And if they are, so what — as long as they're hot!
When You Need: Skills
Download: the Android app Dating Tips and Advice, which provides its (presumed to be male) users with words of wisdom from "master pickup artists" who impart gems such as, "Start with arrogance and then add humor." But the best description is the developer's own: "Collection of articles for single men dating. You will learn how to not kill your date, for what topics to talk." Da, comrade! If you need an iPhone app to help you avoid the temptation to kill your date, maybe infidelity isn't your biggest problem.
When You Need: A quick-and-dirty rendezvous
Download: FaceTime for iPhone 4. If you can't get away for a meat-space meet-up, the new iPhone's video-calling feature clearly was designed for phone sex, despite Apple's insistence on pretending it wants to keep its app store clean. The future is here, and it's not wearing any panties.
When You Need: An excuse to leave the house
Download: Fake a Call, GottaGo or PhonyCall. The clock is always ticking on illicit trysts, so time-wasting conversations are out, whether they're with your secret love or your boring old partner. Use one of these apps to concoct an emergency back at the office that just can't wait till morning. And if you're just having an affair because you want to provoke jealousy, these fake-call apps might save you valuable time and STDs by standing in for an imaginary lover to dangle in front of your neglectful squeeze.
When You Need: A major change of pace
Download: Qrushr Girls or Grindr, the GPS-enabled lesbian and gay hookup apps. It shouldn't be called cheating if you've just begun to realize that you've been closeted this whole time — it should be called "being true to yourself." It's also called "a geographically desirable booty call."
When You Need: To cover your tracks
Download: Loky, which can password-protect certain contacts and photos in your iPhone. But for that real superspy feeling, nothing beats the "This message will self-destruct in 59 seconds" effect you get with Tiger Text, which sends evanescent texts that disappear after a set interval, leaving no telltale trail on your phone or your concubine's. Snooping spouses will never find that "You left your undies in my glove box" message in your Sent folder, because missives sent via Tiger Text are as temporary and fleeting as fidelity itself.
When You Need: To spice things up again
Download: iKamaSutra for Android. Don't be perfidious and tedious at the same time. Even those once-thrilling taboo rendezvous will become tiresome with time, but you can try to pump up the excitement for a little while longer by emulating the app's plump stick figures as they engage in positions like "Twister," "Cross," "Twisted Missionary" or "Pie in the Sky."
When You Need: A preemptive strike
Download: MobiStealth. Cheating doesn't only provide clandestine thrills — it also stokes paranoia. Who knows? Your partner might be cheating on you, too — right now. Launch a preemptive strike: Before your beloved can accuse you of duplicity, confront him with the GPS tracking data, recorded phone calls and web-browsing history you've gathered with the help of this app.
Have HIV/HPV/Herpes? You may be upset and confused and think your sex life is over. However, once you settle down and learn the facts, you'll realize that having STD is not the end of the world, and it's not the end of your social life. You are not alone! Date others with STD at site positivepal.com.
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