MAKE US LAUGH FUNNY BOY! DOUG STANHOPE

Doug Stanhope , whose comedy is largely based on "blood lust and rage," must really hate us. He's making us travel to the dreaded CityWalk for his shows at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club. At least there's alcohol there.

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More About

• Doug Stanhope
• Jon Lovitz
• Universal City
• Arts, Entertainment, and Media
• Stand-up Comedy

So, how have you been?

Today or over the course of time? Let's just say "fine."




It's been a long time since L.A. shows -- do you hate coming to L.A.?

Yes, it's been a year, I think. I don't really hate coming to L.A. as much as I hated living in L.A. Now it's more like visiting your old high school: It's funny that you once took it seriously, and now you laugh at the people who still do.




What do you do for fun here?


I look for girls I fucked when I was young and see which one of us should be more ashamed. Then I pitch TV shows I think could be groundbreaking. Then Richard Jeni's ghost comes into my head, and I do the right thing by killing myself. Or sometimes I just stay in the hotel.



Why do British audiences like your comedy so much?

I'm not really sure that they do like me. It might be that I'm more fun to judge critically than other comics -- they are judgmental pricks.

Where do you get your news?

Kevin.

Which comics, dead or alive, do you like? 


Not to be snarky, but I get picky when it comes to comics who are dead. I like some comedy, but -- even if it sounds shallow -- dead comedians aren't as funny. Except Hedberg, whose rotting corpse is still funnier than anyone Comedy Central has put on in a decade.

If you could call a moratorium on one overused stand-up premise, what would it be? 


Dane Cook (I'm as guilty as anyone) and racial issues -- or, as it's called within the industry, "New York Comedy." Dull as fuck.

What type of old man do you think you'll be?

You misjudge my expected life span. The question is what kind of old man was I?



Proust section, a la Vanity Fair : When and where is your idea of perfect happiness? 


Quitting. Simply saying, " Fuck it, I quit," and walking across the parking lot, with the whole world wide-open is absolute bliss. And it's far harder to do when you are quitting what used to be your dream.

Doug Stanhope appears at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club, CityWalk, Universal City; Thurs.-Fri., Sept. 23-24, 8 p.m.; $25. (818) 824-6545.