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Vilhelmblack 03/02/2011 1:22:00 AM
Reading this story, I noticed a number of "red flags" that a therapist should have caught. First and foremost was the unrealistic expectation that she would eventually gain acceptance from her wife. Second was all the sudden "damn the torpedoes" obsessive behavior. Third were the avenues through which she seems to have developed her feminine identity (a cross-dressing boutique, "t-friendly" restaurants, trans-social groups, and friendships limited exclusively to the trans-community.) Fourth was the need for validation of her appearance in order to function.
I think poor Christine created a pressure-cooker lifestyle centered around Transsexualism, and to an extent did not consider the future realistically. It seems like so much of her life was focused on "being Christine" that she somehow lost herself in the process. There has to be life beyond Transsexualism, and getting to that is the TRUE goal of Transition.
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Kristine_holland 03/01/2011 4:08:00 PM
I can tell you that I sat @ my desk, read and wept for a person hardly realized as her true self. She was snatched from her life before she could make sense of what it truely means to be trans. I am saddened because the world lost a truely warm and energetic person. Even in her darkest moments she realized she was in fact a woman. Sincere Wishes Kristine
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01/09/2011 3:13:00 AM
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kim 09/22/2010 11:05:00 PM
Chris, I don't expect those who are consistent with their gender in mind and body to understand gender dysphoria. It's a terrible condition, one I was born with. It's hard for me to understand, I spent years fighting it, I'm now in the process of accepting it. We're treated as freaks. Many 'act as though they're going along with a man's fantasy of playing dress up'! That made me mad as heck BTW. Gays and lesbians are in a similar boat, it's time to give them the same respect and understand we all want and deserve.
I do think many transgender and gays/lesbians are harming our 'cause'. They still act out as though we're a fringe, we're not, we're mainstream and Christine Daniels is a great example of mainstream. She was a great role model.
Chris, you're wrong, but I still luv ya, good luck.
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Prissy 09/21/2010 5:18:00 AM
this comment is for the retard named Chris who posted his 20 cents. You should try living in people's minds, Live in their world, see through their eyes, think through their brains, before you utter a word about what they feel or may not feel or how they should live their lives. If you dont have any considerable thoughts or soul searching to do, take out the trash, do your laundry, clean your bicycle, shut your trap.
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Kim 09/19/2010 11:31:00 PM
This is such a sad story. It's extremely difficult living as a transexual. You have to be prepared to be misunderstood by virtually everybody and treated poorly by many. It's very very difficult and painful. Christine appears to have been torn between the person she was and loss of her soul mate.
I think one of the biggest mistakes a transexual makes is believing they have to be a part of the trans 'community'. I made a similar mistake and found they're not opened minded at all. They expect us to be all likeminded. I wasn't was was treated poorly. You don't know what feeling alone means until you're rejected by the one small group that should accept you for who you are.
I don't know if that happened with Christine, I wouldn't be surprised either way. What's important is you're an individual, she was an individual, a wonderful individual.
It's so tragic, I'm glad this writer revisited her story, it's an important one.
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Chris 09/14/2010 3:01:00 AM
How sad that our society has gotten to point of accepting the insanity of gender reassignment.
You are the gender you are born with and surgery and therapy cannot change that.
You may "feel" like a woman trapped in man's body, but that does not make you a woman.
The problem lies within a person's soul, and as a whole our society delights in the appearance , not in the hidden, unseen character of a person.
Which explains why a person like Paris Hilton is venerated and given the status of celebrity.
Other cultures honor the aged, ours worships the young.
We are a superficial, self-absorbed, and narcissistic society, not just immoral, but now amoral.
People like Christine buy into the lie that feelings are reality and if you can create the illusion so the physical matches the feeling, then it is reality.
A lie that stares back at you from the mirror
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Helen Hill 08/28/2010 11:54:00 AM
As a therapist who works with gender variant individuals I found this article gut-wrenching, heart-rending, and accurate. I was not a therapist for Mike/Christine and I have no comments regarding his/her therapy as I know nothing about what therapy M/C may have availed for himself/herself.
As so many posters have well noted, transition is both gains and losses. And it is often the single most challenging task the person will face in their life. It is enough to simply get through transition alive and out the other "end", so to speak. Publicity, in my experience, does not HELP the individual who is transitioning. And expectations of continuing loving relationships from "before transition" are often unrealistic and should be addressed in therapy.
The numbers from one study indicate that only 11% of transsexuals are able to maintain the spousal relationship after transition. That means that 89% of us (me too) end up losing relationships as the price to admitting the truth about ourselves and dealing with it. Indeed, it is NOT fair to expect a partner to continue with us when we have changed the nature of intimacy and vulnerability. Our partner must have the right to their own self-determination as well.
Transition is not just for transsexuals. It affects our partners, our children, our loved ones, our friends, our workplace, and all human interactions. And each person must decide for themselves if they will be along for the ride, without judgment or hate or bigotry or self-loathing.
Unfortunately, the world we live in doesn't make it easy for transsexuals or those we love. Relationships do end. And relationships begin anew. And those who choose to continue with us, and those who we meet along the way, are a precious gift indeed; for they accept us for who we are.
Those who go away must make their own path and figure out if acceptance would have really been as horrible as their own fears led them to believe.
RIP Mike/Christine
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AO Harper 08/25/2010 3:03:00 AM
Ugh. This story is simply too undercooked to be fully digested. The reporter fails to get enough sources to fully critique the lamentable gender divide plaguing Daniels. The lack of critical voices presents Daniel’s demise as a tale of woe. Another reading sees it as the bold and irresponsible act of a disturbed introvert beguiled by sudden attention and niche celebrity. More of a cautionary tale of pitiable human failings than, as the author suggests, a case of boy met girl, boy become girl, boy/girl loose girl. Editors! More assistance next time to the promising Friess.
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Liz 08/24/2010 8:30:00 AM
Unfortunately the transgender community pushes people into activism. I find it rather telling that many of the "friends" Christine had are silent since this story first appeared.
Christine needed some professional guidance, which is often poo poo’ed in the transgender community, it may have saved her life had she received the guidance she needed instead of drugs, which never provide resolution for the issues she had.
So that those who are not in the community knows; most of us who transition DON’T do it in the transgender community. The community is selfdestructive. Transition is all about having a normal life not about living in some transgender limbo, in a segregated space away from society at large. This shouldn’t come as any big surprise since most gays and lesbians live, work and interact in society at large and not in some segregated space.
I know a young woman who ended it all 5 years ago by taking a step off her balcony with a rope around her neck, she relied too much on the transgenders she knew on the internet and while she had the money she didn’t seek out the help she needed. All of her transgender friends were telling her how good she was doing and ignored the obvious signs she needed help. I was only one voice against 20 or so who saw me as some kind of elitist because I didn’t fight those evil straight people, I went along with them.
It’s sad Christine only had only one friend who cared about Her.
I hope the transgender community will get it’s collective act together or Christine’s death will be in vain.
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Caroline 08/24/2010 3:37:00 AM
This piece is well written. Christine's story is well known to me in some ways... and foreign in others. Like her, I am transgendered, on hormones, and out at work...
The internal angst that most transgendered people face over the decisions they have to make... We ask oursleves, "Do I love myself enough to transition even if that means those I love may not undertsand?" Unfortunately, love neither creates this medical condition nor does it cure it.
For others, it literally is a choice between a bullet or a dress... Sadly, too many terrific people give away their makeup and dresses and chose incorrectly.
Purges of clothing are common attempts to throw off what you think is a something that can be changed by sheer force of will. Many of us battle for years with this medical condition and try to defeat it in that way. It doesn't work. Ask any true expert in the field.
The specifics of Christine's life are not known to me so I have no comment on them.
I will say that one misleading thing was implied here and I would like to correct that: Do not think for a moment that a transgendered person can switch their internal undertanding of their gender. If that were the case, I would have done it a long time ago. Our main hope for peace and happiness is to accept who we are. Like anyone else, when you stop running from who you are you can begin to step forward...
Let us celebrate life... and know that each of us can bring something beyond extraordinary to this world if we choose to do so.
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Roxanne Edwards 08/23/2010 1:57:00 AM
Can anyone truly understand the deep hurt and longing that drove this dear person to such despair? The contrast between the euphoria and the losses we experience is what makes us so vulnerable when we transition our gender. C/M was faced with the choice to live authentically while losing the love of their life. How would you react? This story broke my heart when I first heard the news, and is even more difficult to bear knowing the details. Please, if you have compassion in your soul, and know someone going through transition, show kindness and love.
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Leah Peters 08/22/2010 2:08:00 AM
I don't like the way the author downplayed societies role in this tragedy. Our society has so many hang-ups about sex and gender and one of those hang-ups is a complete misunderstanding of what transsexualism is. I also wonder: Where was Christine's therapist during all of this? And yet the author makes no mention of them. One of the primary jobs of a therapist counseling someone transitioning is to prepare them for what lie ahead. Hopefully Christine's story will serve as a reminder to all that transition is serious business with serious consequences. Keeping your head on straight and feet firmly on the ground is one of the keys to surviving transition and finding fulfillment as your true self. RIP Christine.
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A friend (of a friend) 08/21/2010 5:15:00 AM
It angers me that Stanton and other members of the transgendered community rejected Christine because her natural femininity didn't further their agenda. It angers me that the LA Times clearly used Christine to sell papers. It really, really angers me that Vanity Fair sent an extremely insensitive, ignorant and macho photographer for that delicate kind of assignment. It kills me that Oberjuerge ever had the privilege of voicing his opinions to the public and that the SB Sun allowed his garbage to be published. I wish LaCoe and others would start a support movement called Social Butterflies for all types of transgendered: girly-girls (like Christine), butch types (like Stanton), young, old, political, a-political...Especially for those whose transition ended in the break up of a long marriage. Christine's spirit lives on.
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Amy LaCoe 08/21/2010 4:45:00 AM
I wanted to clarify the comment I made yesterday.
First, let me say that this story was very well written, and also accurately told. It was well researched, and I feel it did Christine justice all the way through, so please don't think I am dissatisfied in any way with Mr. Friess.
I think the confusion for me was the context. It seemed like I was quoting Lisa in the article. Mr. Friess sent me a copy of the recording used for that quote, and in the recording, I was talking about Christine's early transition when she was still working through whether she could hang in with the status-quot in her marriage or needed to undergo transition. I was saying Lisa was aware of where her husband was at, and what he was doing, and the mutual rule between them was that she didn't want to have to ever see Mike that way. In the article, the rule seemed like a situation in the office after Christine returned to work and was living full-time. It seems plausible that Lisa would feel the same way about seeing her in the office because Christine increasingly worked at home, and I had heard from other mutual friends that the reason was because it was easier on Lisa. I Just couldn't attribute that quote to Lisa in that context.
Anyway, I feel that is pretty small potatoes compared to the fantastic article Steve Friess wrote. I appreciate the care he took in researching the story, that he gathered facts from many sources, and that it was a balanced and complex handling of the facts about the dear, complex friend I knew and loved. Thank You, Steve, for telling her story well.
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Amy LaCoe 08/20/2010 11:56:00 AM
I think this article does her more justice than the one in the LA Times. The one objection I have with this story about this very complex person and dear friend, is the quote below. I couldn't have said that because I have only met Lisa once for a very short moment at Mike's memorial, and Mike never quoted her comments or shared any aspect of their relationship with me, other than his regrets over losing her, and that they had lunch together a few times, and Mike valued their resumed friendship. The next thing I heard about Lisa from Mike was that she had moved on. Perhaps someone who knew her better said the quote below
"I don't even want to see you around the office unless I absolutely have to, and then I want to be as far away as possible. I don't want to be associated with it. I don't ever want to see you that way."
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Babamoto 08/19/2010 9:06:00 AM
As a long-time reader of Mike's sports writing, it should be noted that Penner was a great writer. I miss being able to see his and Christine's byline. How wrenching and sad the ending.
