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Young, Gay Dreams of Matrimony

For 20-somethings, Prop. 8's demise is a barometer of equality, not a path to the altar

One day after U.S. District Court Judge Vaughn Walker overturned Proposition 8 and made headlines globally, Eric Garcia, an affable front-desk manager at a West Hollywood gym, is folding white towels and preparing to close for the night. A handsome gay man in his 30s who sports a black Mohawk, Garcia, like many younger gays, doesn't consider himself an activist or very political. Hearing about the decision, he's happy, but the issue doesn't deeply interest him.

"It's not something I'm passionate about," says Garcia, of Hollywood, who grew up in the Bay Area. "I'm not really looking to get married, and it's just a certificate — I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I'm married. But I do understand there's a larger principle. The whole thing is about equality, and [Prop. 8] is unconstitutional."

Among the generation of often successful gays now coming up — young enough to benefit the most if full marriage rights are granted — Garcia is one of many who holds an expansive view of what the battle is all about.

Jason Luck is a gay fashion stylist in his early 30s who grew up in Los Angeles, moved to Iowa for 16 years and now lives in West Hollywood. He sees the long fight over Prop. 8, the 2008 ballot measure that ended the court-granted right of gays and lesbians to legally marry in California, as a "battle over everything that the gay community represents and everything that we are."

Stephanie Frank, a 20-something film producer from Lexington, Kentucky, who lives in West Hollywood, also believes much bigger things are at stake than simply her right to marry another woman. "It's just one issue," she says, "but it's a catalyst for other ones."

Matthew Mishory, a filmmaker in his 20s who grew up on the Westside and lives in West Hollywood, says marriage has been something of a side issue for him and his friends. "Prop. 8 is more about fighting against homophobia than fighting for gay marriage," he says.

For 20- and 30-somethings such as Garcia, Luck, Frank and Mishory, the fight over gay marriage isn't about marriage at all.

After Walker handed down his ruling last Wednesday, Chad Griffin, the gay 30-something president of the American Foundation for Equal Rights, which organized and helped to fund the lawsuit that challenged Prop. 8, spoke at press conferences not merely of marriage rights but of "state-sponsored discrimination" and "equal rights."

For many younger gays, marriage is really about becoming first-class citizens, and the legal fight over Prop. 8 has been a barometer of progress toward that goal.

"To me," says Luck, "it shows that things are changing. It's another battle we are winning."

But as that struggle moves forward, young gays such as Garcia and Mishory, who are not activists but are watching the issue closely, want to see gay-rights organizations do a better job of engaging gay people their age. "It's the responsibility of the movement to reach out to us in different ways," Mishory says.

That's a critique that gay-rights groups such as Equality California, GetEqual and Courage Campaign seem to have heard quite a bit, especially after young gays and lesbians consistently complained about being left out of the loop during the failed campaign to defeat Prop. 8 in 2008.

"It's our job to engage people," says Rick Jacobs, founder of the Los Angeles–based Courage Campaign. "Our job is not to tell people what to do. Young gays and lesbians have work, they have boyfriends and girlfriends, they go on dates, they have a life. So we have to engage them."

Gay-rights groups have come up with different strategies for making that happen — from better use of social-networking tools such as blogs, Facebook and Twitter to more opportunities for volunteerism, which involves direct interaction with the public instead of just sitting in a room working on a phone bank.

Already, young gays and lesbians, particularly young men, wonder if the seriousness of marriage — in contrast to less culturally weighty civil unions and domestic partnerships — will change the way gays approach long-term relationships. "Maybe men will become more committed," says Luck, who would "love" to come home to a husband every night. "Men aren't always the most committed, so maybe that would change."

Last Wednesday night, Mishory, who has a mop of black hair and boyish good looks, stood in West Hollywood Park several yards from a stage set up for a rally to celebrate the courtroom victory of anti–Prop. 8 attorneys Ted Olson and David Boies. Thousands of people surrounded him. Dressed in dark gray pants and a red T-shirt with the words "Legalize Gay" emblazoned across it, Mishory noticed the heavy presence of people in their 20s like him.

"Twenty-somethings are very connected to this issue," Mishory explains. "They were coming of age when [San Francisco Mayor] Gavin Newsom allowed gay marriages in 2004."

But six years ago, the key issue for young gays wasn't that gays and lesbians were entering into serious, long-term relationships, says Mishory. Rather, it was the fact that for a few weeks, when Newsom pushed to allow about 4,000 couples to be married in San Francisco, gays and lesbians were finally treated as equals.

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  • Jerry 08/14/2010 10:21:00 AM

    It's tiring to hear the same lies over and over as uttered by the so-called religious "right". Both adult homosexual and heterosexual relationships are LEGAL relationships, and, as Judge Walker has said, neither is morally superior to the other. The idea that gay marriage opens the door to other kinds of illicit marriage is nonsense of a high order. A sexual relationship between an adult and a child (child abuse) or between an adult and an animal (animal abuse) are both examples of ILLEGAL relationships and punishable in our society (like rape), as they are fundamentally non-consentual in nature. Likewise multiple wives (polygamy) and multiple husbands (polyandry) are ILLEGAL relationships too. Historically, society has turned a blind eye to many examples of marriage which are condoned. A murderer on death row is allowed to marry; atheists are allowed to marry; serial divorcees are allowed to re-marry as much as they like; infertile couples and elderly couples who will never procreate are allowed to marry as well. No test is required to prove commitment. The only requirement until this time is that both partners be heterosexual. Homosexuals who are in legal, committed relationships, and who pay the same kinds of taxes, have been categorically denied what the courts have defined as one of the most fundamental civil rights in our society. Finally, the idea that same-sex unions is unique to our time is also untrue. For several hundred years, both the Eastern Orthodox Church and Roman Catholic Church blessed same-sex unions in a special ceremony. We know this because research has uncovered the actual text of the service that was used- in several languages (John Boswell: Same-Sex Unions in Pre-Modern Europe). Two men or two women in a committed relationship should have the same access to a civil marriage license as their heterosexual counterparts. It IS a civil right, and society is the stronger for it.

  • Patrick Range McDonald 08/14/2010 6:11:00 AM

    Hi Liz, Domestic partnerships are not equal. I was talking with a gay couple yesterday, who were waiting on line to get their marriage license as straight couples passed them by, and they told me they have to go through all kinds of waiting periods to receive various benefits that married couples don't have to go through. Also, in the past, and maybe even currently, there have been companies and even labor unions that have not extended benefits to an employee's domestic partner, only to a married spouse. I've noticed, too, that other people have brought up people marrying animals. Who exactly has been pushing for that? As far as I know, no one. Lastly, women such as yourself weren't allowed to vote. By your logic, they still shouldn't have the right to vote just because that's the way things had always been done in the past. Take care, Patrick Range McDonald, staff writer, LA Weekly

  • Liz 08/14/2010 5:49:00 AM

    I see your point Jack.....But marriage should only be between MAN & WOMAN ONLY. Like it's been since the beginning of time. I don't see why they have to get married. As far as being equals they are equal isn't domestic partnership enough. Why don't we go further & have humans marry their animals. Senseless!!!!!!!

  • Jack 08/14/2010 2:31:00 AM

    Liz and others like her just don't get it. We live in a Constitutional Republic, and the mob can't vote to take away the civil rights of a minority. And there's precedent in California election politics for this, that stretches back some 50 years. Nearly 50 years ago, the California Legislature passed the Rumford Fair Housing Act, which banned discrimination against "colored" (read black and latino) property renters or buyers. About 2/3 (!) of California voters overturned the Rumford Act when they passed Proposition 14, which, like Proposition 8, amended the California Constitution. Proposition 14 said Californians could refuse to sell or rent to anyone for any reason. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Proposition 14 violated the 14th Amendment, and it didn’t matter how many Californians had voted for it -- it was racial discrimination, and unconstitutional. The equal protection clause that Walker cited in his Proposition 8 ruling is part of that same 14th Amendment.

  • LIZ 08/13/2010 7:06:00 AM

    I'm just so disgusted with this whole Prop 8 thing. I just know I will not vote again since my vote obviously does not count. I still believe marriage is between MAN & WOMAN ONLY.......The gays have domestic partnership why do they need a marriage certificate.

  • Brian 08/13/2010 6:56:00 AM

    It's not just younger gay people who feel this way. I'm closer to the half-century mark than many would care to admit, and for me, Prop 8 has always been more about equality, than anything else.

  • Hank 08/13/2010 5:35:00 AM

    Regarding the comment in the article "I'm not really looking to get married, and it's just a certificate — I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I'm married." Well, you may not need the certificate for your own feel good self, but if you travel out of California, a marriage certificate will get you one step closer to hospital visitation rights etc. Without it you are just "a friend" with no rights in the eyes of the law.

  • Jerry 08/13/2010 4:26:00 AM

    Gay marriage is not needed as much as equality in the partnership as far as Insurance etc. then all the rights married people get and it doesn't need to slap people in the face and make everyone mad it needs equality with another name.

  • Patrick Range McDonald 08/13/2010 3:18:00 AM

    Hi Anthony C, In terms of diversity, I made the point of writing where everyone came from, before they moved to West Hollywood, which happens to be a gay mecca in the U.S. They come from all different parts of the country--from the Bay Area to Lexington, Kentucky, to Iowa--and there were two lesbians, two or three gay Jews, a Latino, and another gay man with Native American blood. That seems pretty diverse to me. They are certainly not all white preppies. You are correct, however, in how the "No on 8" campaign didn't do a better job of reaching out to people of color. In fact, I wrote one of the first, if not the first, article about that a week after Prop. 8 was passed in 2008. http://www.laweekly.com/2008-11-13/news/the-left-39-s-dirty-laundry-over-prop-8/ Thanks for your input, though, and thanks for taking the time to read the piece. Take care, Patrick Range McDonald, staff writer, LA Weekly

  • Anthony C 08/12/2010 10:23:00 PM

    Not a very good article. Extremely narrow focussed and shallow. The writer couldn't find a gay person outside of West Hollywood? Come on? The article kicks itself in the ass by seeking to discuss the diversity of views but then only talks to one segment of one community. There are many, many gays outside of WeHo (try Glendale, Manhattan Beach, etc.) Sounds like he was just lazy or ill informed. He could've have gone to Silver Lake for christ sakes. Beside that point, many young people, gay and straight, are not interested in marriage right now anyway. Particular if you're not in a relationship. And especially if they're still in he youth driven party culture of West Hollywood. Talk to younger gays outside of West Hollywood (perhaps even some that are actually in relationships) and I believe you'll find that gay marriage is a practical and real issue for them not just a symbolic fight. It's not insignificant that the writer fails to mention if any of the WeHoians interviewed in the article are actually in relationships. Isn't that critically important to an article that asks 'are you interested in getting married'? And on diversity, the issue with outreach and Prop 8, the faiilure of the No on Prop. 8 campaign was in not reaching out to people of color within the gay community and in the straight community. The writer only reinforces with his "WeHo only" view of the gay world. The No on Prop. 8 campaign conducted little to no outreach to gays of color. Hello? There are thousands of black, latino, and asian gays and lesbians living in Los Angeles. Have you been to Catch One or Fai Do Do? Unfortunately, old school gay activism has focused on the 1980's TV image of the white, gay preppy guy as the model. That is simply not true anymore, especially in California and in Southern California in particular. A sad miss on both points for this article. Could've been great...instead disappointingly shallow.

  • Steven R. 08/12/2010 11:35:00 AM

    Great article. I completely agree with this statement: "Younger gays don't see themselves as a subculture anymore...They have goals in life just like anyone else, and they want many of the traditional things that the mainstream has to offer." This is increasingly the attitude among the young, and I think we should embrace it. Subculture certainly has its place, but any struggle for equality belongs in the mainstream. Let's keep it there, front and center, until we prevail.

  • Miki Jackson 08/12/2010 10:18:00 AM

    These young people have an excellent perspective. This is about equality over all, and that is what we must fight for. To be fair, a lot of us who are not as young see it that way. Robin Tyler, a pioneer in this fight and one of the original parties to sue the state, has said from day one that this is about full equality, our full rights as human beings. One other thing, while Gay rights (and any other rights') activists always need and usually want, to reach out in every way - activists aren't some separate breed of human with "right's activist" written on their foreheads when born and a job divinely assigned. We are people just like everyone else, we are trying to do a job we have shouldered. Everyone who is waiting to be "reached out to" in some fashion that suits them perfectly ... I have a news flash - do what the rest of us did - get up on your own and go to work on getting your and everyone elses' rights. If you know enough to know about being "reached out to" you know enough to do it yourself. No one is sending a limo. Activists have being going to battle under their own steam since before there was a word for it, before any of us were born. No one is going to serve your (or anyone elses') rights up on a silver platter - you have to go and get them. You will feel much better having done it that way in any case.

 

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