Worlds Apart

Federal law gives gay citizens with foreign partners tough choices: Leave the U.S.A. Lose your love. Break the law

Comments (0) By LAUREN SMILEY Thursday, Jun 17 2010

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It will all be boxed up soon enough. Even before Sang got his visa revoked, the couple had called an immigration attorney in Canada and taken the online assessment to see whether they fell into a category the country would accept. Luckily, Mark’s “financial manager” job was one of the qualifying occupations. They took a trip to scope out Vancouver.

Once Sang lost his visa, it was time to go through with it. Mark mailed their application packet in February.

PHOTO BY JULIE MICHELLE

Erik and Angel, who is here illegally, have decided to stay in the country to be together.

PHOTO BY JULIE MICHELLE

Angel and Erik are out about being gay, but Angel must live under the radar of immigration authorities.

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This is a big step. Having lived his whole life in the progressive bubble of Northern California, Mark is the rare gay man who can’t recall any other instance in his life when he felt discriminated against. “I was always one of those people that said to be gay in America is fine. Nobody’s out there killing you.” Yet he doesn’t have high hopes for reform, so now he’ll be leaving his elderly parents, who still live here.

”As we preserve marriage because it’s supposedly a family value, I think it’s funny that the side effect is it actually tears families apart,” he says.

On a Sunday morning last month, Mark’s mother drove to his apartment to ride with him to San Francisco International Airport and kiss him goodbye. There were no tears this time as he boarded the 13-hour Singapore Airlines nonstop flight to Seoul. It was just a two-week visit, a dress rehearsal for the date he leaves for good.