As comedian Gilda Radner would say, If its not one thing, its another. If youre not stuffing your face with Rite-Aid Easter eggs, youre doing battle with rock-hard matzo balls; if youre not feigning joy over Jesus return, youre putting on the dog about the Israelites emancipation from slavery; if youre not enduring loud-mouth relatives over an artery-clogging dinner hey, Jews do that, too! But the chosen people have an out (maybe thats why theyre chosen): They can enjoy the Chai Center Passover Seder (thats ritual feast to you nonbelievers) at the Olympic Collection banquet hall, officiated by Rabbi Schlomo Schwartz, or Schwartzie as youll refer to him somewhere between your third and fourth ritual cups of Manischewitz. Schwartzie isnt your traditional rebbe (thats Yiddish, you schlemiel), so theres no telling if hell be wearing his Grateful Yid, baseball cap (as long as his heads covered). Youll get the full-on service in English with Hebraic chants, the complete unleavened meal and colorful stories about his stints as a campus rabbi at UCLA and UC Berkeley during the 60s. Best of all, single, wandering Jews can eye potential table mates at the Schmooze and Cruise Happy Hour. No boats involved.
Mon., March 29, 7 p.m., 2010