You remind me of someone, but I can't figure it out. Any ideas?
When my grandmother died, we had a funeral, with deli platters, the whole thing. It was in Peekskill, New York, where I was born. This woman I've never met walks up to me and says I remind her of Stanley Tucci, who was also born in Peekskill. She's friends with the Tuccis and told me how they were all invited to the "Big Night" premiere, which was held in Peekskill. I wonder if there was a mailman there who knew our moms.
Where is the jar of celebrity air right now?
The online casino that bought it, which I'm not naming (take that, casino marketing plan!) was supposed to build some kind of museum of crap they nabbed off eBay, located in Washington, D.C., which seems like the perfect setting.
Where did you get the idea for Swear Police ?
Bernard, my former mailman. (Hi, Bernard!)
I lived in the same neighborhood in Hollywood for 10 years and worked at home the entire time. When I'd get tired of talking to my cat, Dave, I'd chat with Bernard. Usually about the mail. The United States Postal Service has people follow mail carriers on their route once in a while, I'm guessing to audit their performance. Bernard and I never discussed it. When I saw someone following Bernard, taking notes, as he delivered mail, that was the start of it.
Plus, I really wanted to shoot a chase scene and play with guns. It was the most fun I've had working on anything.
If you had to never leave one block in L.A., where would it be?
Never leave? Why do I have to stay on my block? Did the cops shut it down again?
What do you hate most about living in L.A.?
KTLA weatherman Mark Kriski.
Do you have an actual job?
Are you inferring that standup comedy and making shorts is not lucrative? If so, you would be awfully accurate.
I am a private investigator. Honest.
What's your favorite medication?
Do cops read this?
How has the economic downturn affected you?
I cut back on my disguise budget.
Why should we help you make Swear Police 2: The Interrogation ?
You get credit as a supporting producer in the short. As in, all audience members get thanked for their support, by name, in the credits, for $10. You'll help us raise the dough to make the short, build the set, get costumes and rent some gear.
If you've never seen a weather balloon explode using a defibrillator, that'll happen both nights, for $10.
If you like swearing -- and, other than my mom, who doesn't? -- this is the short-film-production benefit for you! (Plus, I'll be your friend on Facebook and I never take polls or quizzes, and I'll totally follow you on Twitter.)