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Box of Broken Dreams: In Search of a Soul Lost and Found in L.A.

A young photographer's belongings are abandoned on a Hollywood street, leaving our writer to piece together the fragments of his life. Video extra: excerpts from a life on DVD

Watch the "Box of Broken Dreams" featured video here.

 

Through a lens darkly: L.A. in black and white, photographed by Nicolas Garnier
Nicolas Garnier
Through a lens darkly: L.A. in black and white, photographed by Nicolas Garnier
The box
Anne Fishbein
The box

Oh, yeah, sure. Tell me you haven’t done it. You’re walking along and you see that box of stuff near the curb. You know the box. The one with scratched picture frames, a pretty darn good dish rack, slightly scuffed shoes, a VHS copy of Jagged Edge, maybe a tattered Friends script next to a torn Scarface poster. There are books you don’t have but don’t really want, various half-used toiletries and some clothing that looks really interesting, if you lost weight. A lot of weight.

You know the box. The box that’s left by folks who are not moving to another place in Los Angeles, but home. Home to Wallace, Idaho, or Quincy, Illinois. Home to Greenville, Alabama, or Ardmore, Oklahoma. Small-town America. The places where dreams are born. The box is the stuff that can’t fit in the back of the U-Haul. The box is the life being left behind.

It is the box of broken dreams.

Sometimes we stare in wonder. Sometimes we turn away in embarrassment. Sometimes we just keep walking. Sometimes we actually rustle through the box. At least, I do.

It’s like any other early-summer Saturday in L.A. Only this one is 101 degrees. People are looking at each other like they’re crazy. And many of them are. It’s too hot to jog, so for exercise, I had decided to walk to the 99 Cents Onlystore on Sunset, the one just south of Thai Town. Now I’m on my way back up the hill, lugging two large plastic bags full of glasses, cheap China-made prison china and some canned food that warns of fast-approaching expiration dates. As I cross Sunset Boulevard, I shvitz from the heat while trying to remind myself I am in some odd way actually exercising.

I turn north up Western Avenue past the White Horse Inn cocktail lounge, continue past the many motels — the places where broken dreams become nightmares — past Pink Elephant Liquors, where urban legend has it Bukowski got his liquor and smokes when he lived on Mariposa Avenue. (The area can be a little rough around the edges. Last December, police found the severed body parts of a 47-year-old man in the store’s Dumpster.)

I cut across Franklin Avenue heading east, pass Normandie and then head north on Mariposa up into the lower hills just below the Griffith Observatory. At 1955 Mariposa, I see the box. It sits next to a green industrial Dumpster in front of a house under renovation. Even from afar, I can see there are things that need much closer inspection. Particularly a collection of Rip Off Press comic books. Including issues No. 4, No. 5, No. 9, No. 10, No. 11 and No. 12 of The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers(I own only No. 3 from 1973, and there are just 13 in the series). Dear God, I wonder, why would anyone chuck these?

The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers tells the tales of three potheads created by artist Gilbert Shelton around 1970. The main storyline of The FFB is that they’re always attempting to score dope without getting burned. You may know them from such cultural catch phrases as: “Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope.” Shelton has been compared to the legendary Hergé, best known for The Adventures of Tintin. This might be the reason why I find two Tintin model-car collectibles, still in their original boxes. The Model T-Ford, or, in French,La Ford T(from Tintin au Congo, 1946), and the Willy Jeep (from Destination Moon, or, Objectif Lune, 1953). Each of these 1/43-scale models is worth about 60 bucks new, sometimes more on eBay.

I look around, then quickly stuff them into my 99 Cents Only store bags.

Back to digging. Yet another collectible: a Lucky Lukefigurine. Lucky Luke was a popular French-Belgian comic book series set in the American Old West. Weaving real-life Western characters into the storyline, at the end of each tale, Lucky Luke sees its hero ride off into the sunset on his horse, crooning, “I’m a poor, lonesome cowboy, and a long way from home. .”

I wonder if the song applies to the owner of this box.

As I tuck the 7-inch figurine into my pocket, I find another: Edouard Bracame on his Honda CB750. Bracame’s a character in the French biker comics Joe Bar Team, whose adventures are set in 1975 Paris.

Now I get serious, put down my glassware and dive in headfirst. At the bottom of this weathered wooden box, I find four full sets of Homies, the controversial minigang figurines that raised some politically correct hackles a few years back.

I find six almost-new, neatly folded wool designer sweaters. Too hot. Leave ’em. Picture frames are sometimes nice. This one has a worn black-and-white photo of an elderly couple who look like they fought with the French Resistance. I’ll keep the frame. I toss aside various French books I’ll never learn to read. A ceramic-teapot kitchen clock that’s still ticking. Good. Brand-new bed linens. Hmmm. Queen-size. That’ll fit. A Chinese Mandarin portable tea-party set. Weird. I’ll take it. Black pants, neatly folded directly from the dry cleaners. I have too many pants. Black dress shoes. Wrong size. Various photography magazines. No interest. Contact sheets. No time. Two magnifying eyepieces. Possible eye germs. Hmmm, what’s this? A handmade tri-fold calf-leather wallet from La Sella in Rome. Very expensive. Totally empty. Usually means a guy got a new one and this was his old one. Unusual for someone to toss something like this. Wallets have, and are, memories. They contain imprints of bodies. To men, they’re like appendages. I stuff it in my back pocket.

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  • kss 02/27/2009 3:01:00 PM

    This story is beautifully written. I also lost my mom recently and the delicate way that you wrote about such a loving mom made my heart break.

  • John 02/17/2009 6:06:00 AM

    Great story. You showed that you care about others and want to get post the "big block" that separates modern man from his neighbors. It is too bad we didn't need to survive communally in some way and then it would be different!

  • joan gannij 02/16/2009 11:08:00 PM

    When I was photographing Charles Bukowski back in the mid 70s at his Carlton Way bungalow, I soon discovered that he was a regular at the Pink Elephant. Although I brought him six packs of Dos Equis from Wally's on the westside of town, the Elephant was his source for Schlitz and Pabst. Glad that Matt Dukes was also able to confirm that for you. Thanks for taking me on your odyssey. Though 6000 miles away, I was immediately visualising The House of Pies, Chatterton's (now Skylight), and so many of the other landmarks (mainly longgone) of my former town. Looking forward to the next segment. Joan Gannij

  • Michelle York 02/06/2009 1:56:00 AM

    Brilliant piece of work (art) Mark..You must have a follow-up if you do eventually meet with Nicholas...Have you put all the videos on a DVD? The purpose of ART is to evoke emotions..You have definitely done this. Thank you.

  • Bambi 02/04/2009 9:28:00 AM

    All dreams DIE. Umm no, Hollywood hasn't made me bitter....not at all.

  • Bambi 02/04/2009 9:18:00 AM

    All dreams DIE. Umm no, Hollywood hasn't made me bitter....not at all.

  • Moss 02/04/2009 1:38:00 AM

    Incredible story...gave me the goosebumps. I too tried LA, from March 07 - Dec 07. Mostly lived in my car and sometimes seedy hotel rooms like Mark Twain, etc. Worked a few jobs, some background acting and fuzzy character at Universal Studios. I moved back to SF to be closer to my "stuff" which I left in storage. I very easily could have lost it all including super 8 home videos, master tapes of bands I recorded with on drums, vintage 60's poster, music gear, comics, baseball cards, photos, yearbooks, etc. This stuff (even though it is just material items) is my LIFE. I could live without it, but I would feel a major loss (like losing a loved one). Also, kind of makes me miss LA and not fulfilling my DREAMS (whatever that means). THANK YOU...Keep Writing great articles and wish the video was longer.

  • Dan 02/02/2009 10:12:00 AM

    Loved your story. It was very moving, sad, but moving. Thank you.

  • Carrie 02/02/2009 2:39:00 AM

    Beautifully written piece. I felt the end would be a death and was relieved to find a life still living. I will wait for the update when you finally get to meet Nicholas.

  • Ashlie 02/01/2009 7:59:00 AM

    Jesus, what an awesome piece of detective work. Thank you for your wonderful writing! This is definitely an award-winner. Good luck!

  • john davis 01/31/2009 8:22:00 PM

    Thanks for writing this.

  • BGF 01/31/2009 10:58:00 AM

    Dibs on the comics!

  • Veronica 01/31/2009 9:56:00 AM

    This was one of the best cover stories LA Weekly has run in a long time! I am glad it has a possibility for a happy ending...Hollywood style. I have found similar boxes spilling stories from the 1930's and 40's. Irene Nye, Ernest Vajda and John Voyda. All had a Hollywood dream and someone in their lives thought to put that dream out on the sidewalk...

  • Pete 01/31/2009 4:03:00 AM

    I loved this story. I hope it wins an Alternative Weekly award. It reminds me of what another writer told me before I moved to LA for the first time. He said, "you'll be sorry."

  • anna 01/31/2009 3:03:00 AM

    Fascinating. What a terrific story you wove. Nathaniel West updated.

  • Utah 01/31/2009 12:11:00 AM

    Great story! Can't wait to see what happens! The featured video, with all of the clips from the DVD was really cool too. Great job, as usual LAWeekly!!

  • juliana 01/30/2009 6:56:00 PM

    I also left my own boxes in LA some years ago. I wish someone has my wood pieces and drawings I couldn't take home. Made me want to be there again. Maybe it happens. Thanks for this story.

  • Christophe 01/30/2009 2:02:00 PM

    L.A. is defenetly a place where you come digging into your own soul. Sometimes, as you dig, you find things that are scary, even to yourself and that's when you could get lost. But if you are grounded enough, you will dig more and find a much nicer layer, a glance at your beautiful soul...keep searching CL

  • odoyle 01/30/2009 10:33:00 AM

    This is why I read the LA Weekly! Thank you for this intense story!

  • Alana 01/30/2009 6:39:00 AM

    I know Nicolas and this story was amazing to read. I'm so glad that you gave something more to him through this story, because he deserves it. Beautiful expos�

  • J.M. 01/30/2009 5:34:00 AM

    This is a beautiful article, a melancholy poem that summarizes many people's true Los Angeles experience. Thank you for writing it.

  • Dave 01/30/2009 3:44:00 AM

    Amazing story, I also had to read it through. I "did my time" in L.A. but am happily relocated back in the Midwest. I will never forget my years there or the countless images and experiences that I had. I'm so glad I can read the LAWeekly online from time to time to "get a taste". This story was a strong one!

  • midtown miscreant 01/30/2009 2:12:00 AM

    Amazing story. I once went through a box of stuff on the street, filled with family photos and a death certificate, suicide listed as the cause of death. Just one story of millions that never get told. Glad you told this one and told it so well. Thanks. midtownmiscreant.blogspot.com

  • matt dukes jordan 01/30/2009 12:18:00 AM

    I loved this story and read it right through, eager to find out if your friend (now), Nicholas, was ok. I'm glad he is and you will meet him. I hope there is a follow-up to this story in the Weekly. It resonates on various levels, one of which is that I've lived around the areas you write about (Los Feliz, Thai Town) on and off since 1990 (when the Figora Cafe was the legendary Onyx Cafe) , and have written about these areas as well in a book about Bukowski's life in the area (called BUKOWSKI'S LA -- came out last year -- available at Book Soup and on Amazon ! -- shameless promotion -- sorry). You referenced Bukowski a couple of times in this article and I wanted to clear one thing up in that regard (a minor point). He bought booze at the Pink Elephant while living on Carlton Way near the corner of Western and Hollywood Blvd. (Linda Lee Bukowski confirmed this when I asked her about it a year ago in interviews for the book.) When he lived on Mariposa (much earlier), he bought booze at Ned's at Normandie and Hollywood Blvd. Is this important? Only for the Bukowski fanatic ! (apologies again)...... You mention going past Mariposa when you got a call about Nicholas (that didn't seem accidental)... You were close to where Buk lived. (He lived at 1623 Mariposa apt 303...) Because Buk wrote about bums and wino types, and is a central mythologizer of LA underground culture, the references are right on the mark, since Nicholas was doing photos of people in that world. I wonder if Nicholas has read Bukowski's work or was inspired by it... Thanks for this great story--- really enjoyed it !!! I look forward to more about Nicholas......

  • Hank 01/30/2009 12:12:00 AM

    Thanks You for writing this.

  • beverly 01/29/2009 11:32:00 PM

    courageous and insane, there are no coincidences. thanks for the memories, clearly the beginning of one narrative is the start of another, L A or anywhere really if you open yourself to it.

  • Jae Bueno 01/29/2009 10:49:00 PM

    Great story! Very well written. If the meeting with you and Nicolas happens please update us!

  • Kim 01/29/2009 10:36:00 PM

    As a lost angel I lived in LA for 7 years. I passed many a box and actually found boxes of stuff in places I lived around Hollywood and Los Feliz that I would have loved to know the story behind. I just moved to Cleveland 3 months ago to be near my family and to "heal my soul". I dearly miss LA, this paper and the people these stories are founded in. Thank you...you made me homesick for LA. What a beautiful story. I wonder how many more stories from boxes there are out there.

  • brim leal 01/29/2009 9:24:00 AM

    wow, an amazing story. lost angels.you walk past people in the street, you glance and then you look on. how many stories,tales of life in one person........in a box. the dreams are there they just get dilluted with distraction and crap. the scummy dross of life when removed reveals gold. serious reflection, only in l.a. this past summer i worked in Venice for 4 months on the beach and i people watched and listen to amazing stories. alot of lost souls out there i think as a people were an amazing beings, the state of things that we live in is designed to water down beleifs and compromise dreams a.k.a. being sidetracked. sometimes we gotta snap out of it and being with family makes it all the more real, and gives us that push in the right direction. great write c-ya man

  • Chloe 01/29/2009 5:16:00 AM

    What an amazing piece i was on the edge of my seat and nearly cried more than once. I too have gone through many boxes like the one you wrote about wondering what became of the faces in the faded photos and how they came to be left on the street at the mercy of scavengers i generally imagine the worst so it was great to see an actual happy ending to one of LAs many "sad box" stories. thanx>lovelovelove

 

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