Movie Reviews: Filth and Wisdom, The Haunting of Molly Hartley, Splinter

THE OTHER END OF THE LINE This meager cross-cultural romantic comedy stars Jesse Metcalfe as ultra-smooth New York advertising executive Granger and Bollywood actress Shriya Saran as Priya, the credit-card customer-service rep who falls for him over the phone thousands of miles away in Mumbai, India. They decide to meet in San Francisco, but because she’s led him to believe she’s an American (i.e., white girl) named Jennifer David, complications ensue when he begins courting this Indian woman he thinks is a stranger. On one level, director James Dodson’s love story is so innocuously pleasant that attacking its obvious plot developments and sitcom-shallow observations about dating feels almost ungracious. But the one truly unforgivable element is Granger, who Metcalfe plays as the most noxious sort of self-satisfied yuppie creep who, amazingly, doesn’t have to shed a fraction of his smugness to win Priya’s heart. The Other End of the Line wants to show how people from different corners of the globe can make a connection, but in reality, the U.S.-obsessed Priya must defy her cultural mores and empty her measly bank account to be with the man of her dreams, while all Granger has to do is learn to tolerate spicy Indian food. At a time when our global standing is sinking like a stone, it’s comforting to know that, at least on the big screen, we can still land the babes no matter how obnoxious we are. (AMC Burbank; Beverly Center 13; Century City 15; Culver Plaza; Fallbrook 7; Naz 8) (Tim Grierson)

PASSENGERS Anne Hathaway has the biggest damn chestnut eyes you’ve ever seen — I spent a lot of time swimming in them, as they’re about the only thing Passengers has going for it. As a young, beautifully coiffured psychiatrist, Hathaway is assigned to depressurize the lone survivors of a commercial airline crash, and finds herself lavishing special after-hours attention on one unusually elated patient (Patrick Wilson, considerably overestimating the charm of squinty smugness). As her patients begin to mysteriously disappear, the movie shifts into “What really happened on that plane?” mode, with chills provided by the dreaded David Morse peeking around corners. Though deceptively marketed as a just-in-time-for-All-Hallow’s-Eve spooktacular, this is really a character-centered romance that nonstarts on the total lack of traction between Hathaway and Wilson. The biggest shock (aside from seeing how arbitrarily movies are chosen for theatrical release) is provided by an intrusively blown newspaper. The horribly drawn-out unwinding of an Astonishing Twist Ending retrospectively absolves the film of responsibility for ridiculous scene-stagings and narrative gaffes, and confirms Passengers as a kind of declawed, inside-out Final Destination — with none of the sense of showmanship, and all the looming malice of a mawkish condolence card. (Selected theaters) (Nick Pinkerton)

Marie Caillou

Fear(s) of the Dark

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• Kevin Smith
• Luke Thompson
• Able Danger
• Patrick Wilson
• Movie Comedies

ROADSIDE ROMEO It feels like the perfect time to be writing about Bollywood. Hardly a week goes by without some brazen new act of synergy being committed, like the news that DreamWorks SKG is getting bankrolled by the Indian company Reliance-ADA. There are some worrying indications for the future of this rapprochement, however, in the CGI-animated talking-dog comedy Roadside Romeo, an initial co-production between the top Indian banner Yash Raj and the Walt Disney Company — a collaboration that feels paralyzed by self-consciousness. It’s almost certainly a coincidence that the premise is a dead ringer for Disney’s current domestic hit Beverly Hills Chihuahua: A pampered rich pooch is abandoned and becomes a homeless stray, but because of his craftiness ends up as the alpha male of a pack of lovable mutts. It would be charitable to forgive this first attempt its technical shortcomings; while the virtual set design is first-rate, the character animation is often clunky and inexpressive. What’s harder to excuse is the drabness of the storytelling, the repetitive sitcom dilemmas that are closer to Top Cat than Ratatouille. The performers in the dandy voice cast, led by Saif Ali Khan, can only do so much to energize these static situations. You’d think the free-for-all atmosphere of the best Bollywood romps would be a perfect fit in the CG realm. So did the showmen who brought us the ebullient Jhoom Barabar Jhoomfeel inhibited because some Hollywood suits were looking over their shoulders? They’re gonna need to snap out of it tout de suite, or this relationship is doomed. (Naz 8) (David Chute)

GO SPLINTER In a horror movie, to go on a camping trip is to march toward a certain and grisly death, usually at the hands of an escaped killer or fanged monster. Seth (Paulo Costanzo) and Polly (Jill Wagner), the foolhardy campers of the terrifically taut Splinter, encounter both. Initially, they’re carjacked and kidnapped by a convict (Shea Whigham) and his drug-addled girlfriend (Rachel Kerbs), but it isn’t long before all four band together to fend off blood-oozing human mutants. One or more of the four may even turn mutant themselves, thanks to the prick of sharp, quill-like splinters whose origins can’t possibly be of this Earth. In an impressive debut, English director Toby Wilkins and screenwriters Ian Shorr and Kai Barry don’t fuss over otherworldly explanations but instead focus on exploring all the ways four people can be hunted down and turned to pulp while hiding inside a gas station food mart. Buoyed by solid ensemble work, some yuckily effective special effects, and a script that subverts genre convention by having its characters do smart things instead of stupid ones (mostly), Splinter earns our respect while delivering 82 minutes of lean, mean fun. (Mann Chinese 6) (Chuck Wilson)