Back Talk on "Hot, Sticky & Bothered" 

Propositions, recrimination and helpful hints from polyamory detractors and defenders

Wednesday, Jul 16 2008

Bothered and Bewildered

Comments on “Hot, Sticky & Bothered” [July 4–10], by Dani Katz.

Thanks, Dani. Yours is one of the very few LAW cover stories I have read all the way through. (I get LAW for Marc Cooper and Scott Foundas.) Be sure to do a follow-up on the thousands of e-mails you get from men wishing to sleep with you! Add me to your list or maybe pass me on to your older friends as I’m in my 50s.

Related Stories

Posted July 4 by Bruce Dickson

The sensuous men you seek elude you, because you, as do most women, bring to every relation a scorecard — complex, emotional, extensive — and yours is compounded by a predatory desire to possess perfection. Bound by that, you will never be open — as you claim to be — to a genuinely erotic experience ...

Posted July 4 by Mark

Why don’t guys make the first move any more? ... They’re tired and beaten down. Not to say it’s totally women’s fault. Men are mostly to blame for the societal expectations of women. The answer is less judgment, more respect and consideration, and much more playful flirting. I think your story was touching and beautifully written. Lastly, many of us struggle with the ideal form for romantic love. We all want that special someone, but don’t want to lock someone in a prison of our own insecurities and demands, nor be locked in one ourselves. Jealousy truly is the biggest obstacle.

Posted July 4 by Robert Szeles


Six pages of BS to admit that conventional wisdom is right: Screwing your best friend and her husband is fun for a while, but when she notices you starting to have real feelings for him — and that you're not just a “beautiful body” — she dumps you, so he dumps you, and now you’ve lost your friends as friends. You obviously fulfilled some sort of curiosity or hole in their lives, and then they couldn’t stand to look at you. Any sex therapist could have predicted this outcome, or you could have watched Oxygen’s Sue Johanson for free.

Posted July 7 by Susan

Thank you for an extremely insightful and powerful article. I’m always impressed by people willing to “own their own stuff” and do the internal searching necessary to deal with relationship issues maturely. As a poly person, I’m saddened by the fact your triad didn’t last, but not everyone is wired for this lifestyle. It’s better to be true to yourself than to attempt to “prove” something can work. Happily, my triad continues to thrive a year in. Blessings on your journey!

Posted July 8 by Euphrates

Intimacy, shmintimacy. When you get horny again, give me a call.

Posted July 3 by Peter W.

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