PROM NIGHT This gore-free PG-13 slasher film bears the same title as a fondly remembered and very bad 1980 horror movie that starred Jamie Lee Curtis. It wasn’t her finest hour, nor is this quasi-remake likely to do much for Brittany Snow, who stars as Donna, a Connecticut teen who witnessed her love-obsessed high school teacher (Johnathon Schaech, deserving better) butchering her family to death. Three years later, Teach is on the loose and hiding out in the fancy hotel where an unsuspecting Donna and friends celebrate prom. As the night crawls along, an assortment of maids, bellboys and horny-but-nice teens is stabbed to death in moments of violence that director Nelson McCormick stages with a minimum of blood but also, regrettably, a minimum of suspense. He and screenwriter J.S. Cardone don’t have one original thought between them, but they do appear to share an obsession with characters opening hotel-room closets in which the steel hangers gleam ominously. There’s nothing scary in there, but here’s a shudder-inducing fact: McCormick and Cardone are currently collaborating on a remake of the witty and nearly perfect 1987 thriller The Stepfather. (Citywide) (Chuck Wilson)
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Flight of the Red Balloon
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WATER Grim-eyed fortunetellers across political and policy spectrums have long warned that impending global skirmishes over freshwater supplies will make wars fought over oil look like child’s play. In the documentary Water, director Saida Medvedeva foregoes such earthbound concerns for more philosophical musings on the increasingly valuable liquid, examining not just its medicinal but its mystical qualities. You get some idea of the film’s tone and leanings by the presence of scientist Masaru Emoto (What the Bleep Do We Know?) who, along with a coterie of international colleagues, argues that water has memory, and that, while its molecular structure never changes, exposure to humans and other substances radically changes the “character” of H2O. The film’s overall tone recalls educational films shown to schoolkids, but it quickly shifts from a quick recounting of basic science to claims and “research” that are dubious at best: Water crystals formed while Bach was being played are contrasted against those formed to hard rock; water that has been “thanked” is compared to that which has been told, “you disgust me.” All but the most uncritically accepting of New Age pap will roll their eyes or giggle ... or both. (Sunset 5) (Ernest Hardy)
GO ZOMBIE STRIPPERS During George W. Bush’s fourth term as president, the administration’s desire for crises and predisposition toward fuck-ups leads to the creation of a zombie virus the government hopes will help replenish troops for its various overseas conflicts. Infected women become superstrong and maintain their intelligence, but the men remain your typical shambling, mindless undead. So when the virus leaks into a strip club, the place becomes the most popular illegal joint in town. All too often with horror/cult movies, a catchy title masks a low budget and an even lower level of talent, but director Jay Lee (The Slaughter) delivers absolutely everything you could possibly hope for in his film called Zombie Strippers, with a consistently hilarious, brutal and titillating mash-up of Return of the Living Dead and Showgirls, which actually beats out Mark Pirro’s Nudist Colony of the Dead for the unofficial title of best naked-zombie movie ever. He even manages some George Romero–style social commentary, with zombie-dom as a metaphor for plastic surgery — that star Jenna Jameson’s plasticized, prezombie face is actually scarier than the final monstrous version only proves the point. Easily the best movie of the year, so far. Really. (Nuart) (Luke Y. Thompson)
