Energy Drunk: One Man's Monster Bender
How one man drank a Vin Diesel movie ... and just kept drinking
The bans have hardly slowed the spectacular money machine that is the energy-drink industry.
Energy drinks literally gave Mateschitz wings — he can now fly his Cougar 9000 to the remote Fijian island he bought from the Forbes family. Hansen’s Natural stock has grown a whopping 6,000 percent since it introduced its very unnatural Monster brand.
As for me, I’m in recovery.
Looking back, I should have stopped sooner. Chugging so many energy drinks made it easy to forget about food, and I kept getting skinnier. I had become a fixture at gas stations all over the city — the clerks would ring me up before I even got to the register. At that point, my quality of life had become so low that not even NOS, sweet NOS, could redeem it.
I quit cold. I gathered all my cans from the car and crushed them. I took a bath. I went into my room. The empty-can shrine went. I got one of those pine-tree things to dangle from my rearview. I downgraded to iced tea and coffee. Especially coffee. Starbucks coffee. Grande Americano, nonsweetened, ice please.
Help.
Now Trending
