By Hillel Aron
By Joseph Tsidulko
By Patrick Range McDonald
By David Futch
By Hillel Aron
By Dennis Romero
By Jill Stewart
By Dennis Romero
FRIDAY, December 14
The following e-mail made its way to our inbox all the way from the Big Apple: “You have Jews in Hollywood, don’t you? I’m sure they’d like to know about our upcoming pilgrimage from New York .?.?. Good for the Jews debuts in L.A. .?.?. Don’t make us call the JDL on you.” This uptight Presbyterian enjoyed reading one of the many quips about this music duo, which read: “Offers even the most uptight Presbyterian the opportunity to share in the joys of the kosher experience.” Rob Tannenbaum and David Fagin are the Jewsome twosome who are calling the show Putting the Ha! in Hannukah, which is a much better title than Straight to Hillel or Here’s Talmud in Your Eye or Mezuzah Is Your Zuzah or anything with “Jew-bilee” — but not by much. The Knitting Factory, 7021 Hollywood Blvd., Hlywd.; Fri., Dec. 14, 7:30 & 10:30 p.m.; $15. (323) 463-0204, Ext. 122, or www.knittingfactory.com.
SATURDAY, December 15
Okay, okay — I give up. We should be giving gifts that are environmentally and socially conscious. Fine. I bought a canvas bag from Trader Joe’s — will you like me now? Eco Gift Expo is an opportunity to shop for gifts from companies that don’t fuck up the planet. So leave the Range Rover running while you run inside to load up on eco-friendly gifts! Santa Monica Civic Auditorium, 1855 Main St., Santa Monica; Sat., Dec. 15, 9 a.m.-8 p.m.; Sun., Dec. 16, ?9 a.m.-5 p.m.; $15, $10 in advance online. (310) 399-3097 or ?www.ecogift.com.
SUNDAY, December 16
If we can just hold on a little longer, we’ll get through these big-hearted, over-the-top, let’s-all-love-everybody holiday charades and get back to normal. Stay tough. In the meantime there’s The Colors of Christmas,where you can get your holly jollies off at this song-filled jubilee with plenty of cross-carolination as Peabo Bryson, Ben Vereen, Marilyn McCoo & Billy Davis Jr., and Oleta Adams take turns on duets to warm your yule log. Cerritos Center for the Performing Arts, 12700 Center Court Dr., Cerritos; Fri.-Sat., Dec. 14-15, 8 p.m.; Sun., Dec. 16, 3 p.m.; $42.50-$75. (562) 467-8818.
MONDAY, December 17
Have you ever actually seen a whirling dervish? Do they travel in packs? What happens when they stop whirling? Are there dervishes who can’t — or won’t — whirl? Can I become a whirling dervish? Is there an organization I can join? What are the dues? If I decide I don’t want to be a whirling dervish, is there a penalty fee? Will it go on my record? Are there Whirling Dervishes in L.A.? Can you describe them? “Led by Jelaleddin Loras, master musicians from Turkey and the Whirling Dervish Ensemble from the Mevlevi Order of America celebrate Rumi’s mystical union with the whirling prayer dance of the Mevlevi Sufi Order.” Where and when can I see them? UCLA Live, Royce Hall, Wstwd.; Mon., Dec. 17, 8 p.m.; $25-$45. (310) 825-2101.
“Go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere; go tell it on the mountain, that Jesus Christ is born.” And that’s an order! The spiritual song is the basis for Go Tell It on the Mountain: The Blind Boys of Alabama Christmas Show. The group’s 1993 album of the same name featured some huge guests, including Solomon Burke, George Clinton, Michael Franti, Chrissie Hynde and Tom Waits, so maybe, just maybe .?.?. Walt Disney Hall, 111 S. Grand Ave., dwntwn.; Mon., Dec. 17, 8 p.m.; sold out. (213) 850-2000.
TUESDAY, December 18
The name sounds very Christmas-y, but the vocal ensemble Chanticleer actually took their title from Chaucer’s “clear-singing” rooster in The Canterbury Tales. Their annual holiday shows, however, have become a tradition, and they’re back at Disney Hall to demonstrate their remarkable annunciation in this eclectic program of Christmas music, which will most likely not contain the simply awful “Wonderful Christmas Time.” Jesus, that’s a bad song. No — really! I’m talking to you, Jesus! How could you let Paul McCartney do that to Christmas? Walt Disney Concert Hall, 111 S. Grand Ave., dwntwn.; Tues., Dec. 18, 8 p.m. $27-$70. (213) 850-2000.
WEDNESDAY, December 19
Snow White, Ariel, Mulan, Cinderella, that other one — all on ice and loooooooking good for Disney on Ice: Princess Wishes. Wed., Dec. 19, 7:30 p.m.; Thurs., Dec. 20, 7:30 p.m.; Fri., Dec. 21, 11 a.m. & 7:30 p.m.; Sat., Dec. 22, noon, 3:30 & 7:30 p.m.; Sun., Dec. 23, 12, 3:30 & 7:30 p.m., $12-$65. STAPLES CENTER, 11th & Figueroa sts., dwntwn., (213) 480-3232.
THURSDAY, December 20
Jesus was a Capricorn, but Mike Watt is a Sagittarius. Still, when Watt’s mother was giving birth to little Mikey, she thought, “It’s the Most Wonderful Day of the Year. What Child Is This? Do You Hear What I Hear?” The famous bassist from San Pedro turns 50 today. Bet there was never a Silent Night in his house! Celebrate Watt’s big five-oh with a performance by one of his many musical outfits, Banyan— the one where he jams with bandmates Stephen Perkins, Norton Wisdom, Willie Waldman and Nels Cline. Di Piazza’s, 5205 E. Pacific Coast Hwy., Long Beach; Thurs., Dec. 20, 10 p.m. (562) 498-2461.