They reproduce as a proof that they are a regular Joe?
Yes, to prove that they are sound and they’re gung-ho and everything’s working — I can do it and I can prove it, out comes this little splotchy thing that, uh . . . nobody really likes. [Laughs.]
Okay, so you’ve not changed your stance on kids?
Not necessarily.
You have no child desire?
Er — it’s minuscule.
I think you would be a great dad.
Oh, of course, of course, I would, yes — but to kittens. [Laughs.]
You have — you don’t have cats?
No, no, no, I don’t.
Are you an animal person?
Oh, completely! I’m mystified by cats. I see a cat and I’m in a trance and the union begins . . . You too?
I’m a dog person.
Oh, really? You see, I think dogs smell.
They do, but if you love that dog, then it smells good.
Yeah, but your neighbors don’t feel the same way. People walk into your house and they, when you’re not looking they . . . [holds finger beside his nose] clench those nostrils, especially if your dog does its doo-doo in your house.
So, do you have a cat?
I’ve had many, many, many.
But you’re on the road.
Yes, it’s — I’ve had many, and many have passed away.
That’s the worst part.
Horrendous, horrendous. It’s worse than a human passing away.
Is it?
Yes, it really is.
Why?
Because you feel the cat doesn’t fully understand. They’re looking to you, they’re relying on you to get them through this, and you can’t . . .
I’ve been in certain situations where I’ve had to terminate the life for the benefit of the cat and the pain is too much to bear. It’s insufferable. Because even as they get the final needle, they’re purring and they’re loving you and . . .
I know, it happened to me, my dog, too. It was awful, because they gave him the shot of ketamine, so he became paralyzed, but he was still conscious and he couldn’t . . . then I thought, oh God, now where’s his spirit, because he doesn’t understand what happened?
And he is just assuming that if he is sitting next to you, he’s going to be okay.
Was your cat maimed?
No, but he was very, very old, and he was arthritic, and he couldn’t go to the toilet properly and I would have to take him to the toilet, I’d have to do everything, but he was very, very happy, and as long as he was with me, he was thrilled to death. So, I held him at the last moment when they inserted the needle and, uh . . . I cried for hours and hours and hours. This sound came out of me, this sound of despair when he went, and I’d never heard it before.
Wow!
Because I thought I’d be — I thought I could completely handle his death and I’d be fine. I’d look after him, I’d make sure everything was okay, and I’d make sure that his transition was as easy and comfortable as possible. And I howled.
I mean, I still have moments where I grieve again, out of the blue — does that happen to you?
Of course! Of course! You miss your pets. You miss Sir Doo-Dah or whatever his name is . . . You miss them and you feel for them, and my cat was an incredible character. He wasn’t merely a cat, he was beyond human. He had the most incredible personality, an enormous personality, and as tough as, as they say, old boots, and I still miss him, I really still miss him. Sorry, I’m boring you stiff . . .
No! I want to talk forever.
Might not be long enough.
I just want to make sure that I ask you all my questions.
Who’s to know, really? What are the right questions, what’s the wrong question? People always ask me the same thing, anyway.
This is a totally different subject, but I’m really, really unhappy with how much music is being used in advertising now. You have never done that, right, or have you?
Done what?
Sold a song to a commercial?
Not really.
Have you been asked?
Not really.
Really, I’m surprised. They haven’t tried to use the Smiths to sell some Cadillac or something?
The Smiths was used for Pepe Jeans, which nobody remembers. Do you know Pepe Jeans?
I’ve heard of it, yeah.
Which I think was in about 1985.
Oh, but that’s a long time ago.
Yeah, otherwise, and — no, I think that was it.
I can’t believe nobody’s asked you. “How Soon Is Now” for our new cell phone or whatever?
No.
That’s awesome.
Well, this goes back to the early ’70s. I should say the glitter-rock and glam-rock sort of thing. In the early ’70s, it was very difficult to hear music. Music was never used in television advertising, it was never used in radio or advertising of any kind. So, the only way you heard music was your own personal taste, going into a record shop and buying something.
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