By Michael Goldstein
By Dennis Romero
By Sarah Fenske
By Matthew Mullins
By Patrick Range McDonald
By LA Weekly
By Dennis Romero
By Simone Wilson
FRIDAY, December 29
Recommending comedy shows you’ve never seen to readers you’ll never meet is something that only the most seasoned blurbologist should ever attempt. But the hype for Pam Ann’sCome Fly With Meis pretty irresistible. Air hostess Pam Ann’s a throwback to an age when air travel was glamorous. She’s a beehived, overmakeupped, boozy floozy who’s opened for Cher and entertained Elton John on his private jet. And it’s not just the gay crowd that loves her. She’s sold out shows all over the world, and is now making her L.A. debut. The Hollywood Palladium will be transformed into a three-class aircraft and you will be plied with cocktails and snacks. The best line from the press release is the closer: “See you at the cavity search!” Hollywood Palladium, 6215 Sunset Blvd., Hlywd.; Fri., Dec. 29, 9 p.m.; $40. (323) 944-0051.
SATURDAY, December 30
After all these years (32 to be exact — Jesus, I’m old), I have yet to figure out how to “Eat to the Beat.” While Elvis Costello sang “Accidents Will Happen,” Blondie brazenly proclaimed “Accidents Never Happen.” And it’s too late to “Die Young Stay Pretty,” though there’s hope one can still “Fade Away and Radiate.” I’m not “Living in the Real World.” “I’m On E.” “Call Me.” Kill me now. Just go see the legendary Blondie. Key Club, 9039 Sunset Blvd., W. Hlywd.; Sat., Dec. 30, 8 p.m.; $55. (310) 274-5800. (See Music Pick.)
If you thought the reopening of Griffith Observatory meant the comeback of Laserium, you were sorely disappointed. (See feature on page 42.) To get your Laserium fix — and, really, don’t we all need to sit in the dark with strangers and trip to a little Pink Floyd every once in a while? — you’ll have to haul to the stinkin’ Valley. Lucy in Van Nuys with diamonds? I don’t approve, but shoot yourself. Tonight’s show schedule takes off with The Beatles at 6 p.m., Dark Side of the Moon at 8 p.m. and Led Zeppelin at 10 p.m. Time your drugs accordingly. The Cyberstudio, 6911 Hayvenhurst Ave., Van Nuys; Sat., Dec. 30, 6, 8 & 10 p.m.; $15. Advance e-mail or phone reservation followed by online ticket purchase is required to attend any show. To request reservations, call (818) 997-6611 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org, specify show time and number of people, and include your name and phone number.
SUNDAY, December 31
If you’re in search of a raucous public gathering for New Year’s Eve, here are some choice choices:
With eight rooms offering eight different versions of “Auld Lang Syne” — including big band, country, jazz, disco, Latin — surely you’ll find one to suit your style on the Queen Mary. A balloon drop and fireworks ring in 2007. And with so many rooms to explore, this is a good option should losing your date suddenly become necessary! Queen Mary, Long Beach, south end of the 710 freeway; Sun., Dec. 31, 7:30 p.m.-1 a.m.; $89. (562) 435-3511.
Jerry Rubin, L.A.’s peace-activist laureate, tells us that his Alliance for Survival is themed “Make Love Not War.” Once again, the peaceniks will throw a New Year’s Eve Give Peace Another Chance Comedy Review. Comics Rick Overton, Denise Munro Robb, Bill Broomer and David Zasloff make fun and “song fighter” Ross Altman makes the music. Also performing is performance poet Linda Albertano. Bring a Republican and get in free (not really). Didn’t we write that last year? The Church in Ocean Park, 235 S. Hill St., Santa Monica; Sun., Dec. 31, 7 p.m.; $30, includes buffet dinner, champagne & parking (wow!). (310) 399-1000.
It’s not raucous, and there may be vegetarians among the revelers, but a nice alternative to New Year’s Eve madness is the Welcome in the New Year Hike & Party. This is the 17th year that congenial hiker/host Rick Recht has led the walk. No reservations or tuxedos (unless you really must) required; just show up with some food to share and maybe a musical instrument. It’s a short walk to the “celebration viewpoint.” There, you can gaze down on the twinkling city lights and laugh self-satisfyingly at all the suckers at CityWalk. And it’s okay to BYO bubbly. “It’s not a goody-two-shoes event,” promises Mr. Recht. Meet at Chastain Parkway East & Via Las Palmas, Palisades Highlands (north of Pacific Palisades); starts at 10 p.m.; $9. (310) 479-5717.
And now, for what might be the most rollicking New Year’s Eve party we could dig up: Club Freedom New Year’s Eve Party, brought to you by several alcohol-and-drug-free groups that will be celebrating the fact that they have used up their lifetime’s allotment of mind-altering substances far too early and have been cut off from the bar/dealer for good. We hope. Raise a glass of fizzy apple juice and dance the night away. Then go home and weep. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N. McCadden Place, Hlywd; Sun., Dec. 31, 8 p.m.-1 a.m.; $10 donation requested, $5 under 24; no one turned away for lack of funds. (323) 860-7389.
Here’s a great NYE deal, with hip people thrown in for free. The Eagle Rock Sunday Night Bowling and Drinking Club’s New Year’s Eve Party takes over All Star Lanes with seven bands on two stages, karaoke, unlimited bowling, dancing and free champagne at midnight, all for 20 bucks. Domestic beers are $3, so you have a good chance of going home with a hip, drunken cheapskate. All Star Lanes, 4459 Eagle Rock Blvd., Eagle Rock; Sun., Dec. 31, 8 p.m.-2 a.m.; $20. (323) 254-2579.
Where were you in ’94? One of your louder New Year’s options is the first show in seven years by The Bomboras. Don’t know if they still have those black-light-skeleton outfits, but betcha they still deliver some of the wildest garage-surf-fuzz rippage in the land. Vine Street Lounge, Hollywood Blvd. & Vine St., Hlywd.; Sun., Dec. 31, 9 p.m.; $20. (323) 493-3988.
2007 New Year’s Masquerade Ball invites you to “come dressed in your favorite royal attire” — finally a chance for you to wear your powdered wig! It’s a fancy-schmancy affair at the Noble Castle Hollywood in the hills featuring a red-carpet reception, musicians, jugglers, fire dancers, three-course buffet, open bar .?.?. wow! I’m so there. Now, where’s my tiara? The Noble Castle Hollywood (park & shuttle at Hollywood Presbyterian Church, 1760 N. Gower St., Hlywd.); Sun., Dec. 31, 8 p.m.-3 a.m.; $300, extra-fancy tickets for $500 & $850; resv. required. (310) 963-9688. (See Dance Clubs for louder, even more crowded New Year’s Eve options.)
MONDAY, January 1
Great hangover cure: The 55th Annual First Swim of the New Year, presented by the Cabrillo Beach Polar Bears: Cabrillo Beach Boathouse, 3800 Stephen M. White Dr., San Pedro; Mon., Jan. 1, noon. (310) 548-7554. You also have The Seventh Annual New Year’s Day Polar Bear Swim: Hansen Dam Aquatic Center, 11798 Foothill Blvd., Lake View Terrace. (818) 899-3779. You’re welcome. There’s a Twilight Zone marathon all day, but that won’t help your head. And the parade certainly won’t either.
TUESDAY, January 2
It’s Tuesday after New Year’s Day. There is literally nothing happening today, not even at American Cinematheque. Most of us suckers have to go back to work. Nightlife has ground to a short-lived halt. You can dance in the middle of the Sunset Strip. Here’s the best we can do: Go see the floats from that parade that happened yesterday in Pasadena. They’re lined up and waiting to be gawked over. Post-Parade: A Showcase of Floats: Located at the end of the route, along Sierra Madre & Washington blvds., Pasadena; Tues., Jan. 2, 9 a.m.- 4 p.m.; 7 a.m.-9 a.m. reserved for seniors & mobility-impaired; $7. Park & Ride shuttle info at www.tournamentofroses.com.
WEDNESDAY, January 3
Maybe it’s not getting as much hype as that other new movie musical, but here’s Colma: The Musical, Richard Wong’s fun romp (probably) about three friends who’ve just graduated from high school dealing with life in a small town. Part of Outfest Wednesdays at the American Cinemathque. Egyptian Theater, 6712 Hollywood Blvd., Hlywd.; Wed., Jan. 3, 7:30 p.m.; $10. (323) 466-FILM.
THURSDAY, January 4
You: “What should we do tonight?” Your hip friend: “Let’s take a burlesque-dancing class.” You: “Not again. Margaret Cho scratched me last time, and I’m still sore.” YHF: “How about that bar where you can knit and make crafts?” You: “But what if Margaret Cho’s there, with knitting needles?” You: “Karaoke?” YHF: “It’s not due for another ironic comeback for years.” YHF: “We could go to that Silver Lake boutique that rips up old T-shirts and sells them back to us.” You: “Yeah, but I’d rather get a little bit of exercise while enjoying hipnescenti-approved indie bands. Maybe outside, where we can sneak in a flask of Grey Goose and pretend we’re in a real city.” That’s it! Spaceland on Ice, with Bodies of Water and the Parson Red Heads — think Polyphonic Spree meets Fifth Dimension. Plus the Chapin Sisters. Pershing Square, 532 S. Olive St., dwntwn.; Thurs., Jan. 4, 8 p.m.; $6 per skating session, $2 skate rental. (213) 847-4970.
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