Dear Gabacha: This column has discussed many of the Mexican ?male’s courting rituals, from lecherous whistles to stares that can bore through underwire bras and the ?ever-romantic slap on the ass. But few gestures are more revered among Mexican men than the torta, what you call the Mexican Sandwich. Two hombres grab an unsuspecting ?mujer— preferably a gabacha— and proceed to bump and grind her a là Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan’s “Night at the Roxbury” skit on Saturday Night Live. Instant torta! Sexual harassment? Por supuesto— damn straight. But don’t call HR just yet, ladies. Consider this: Being in the center of a torta is a profoundly powerful experience, and the best sexual harassment ?you’ll ever experience. The Mexicans involved will only bandy you around like a pinball — ask them to stop, ?and they will. If you want the torta to reach the next level — say, a squirt of mayonnaise — the decision is ?yours, chula. And if you don’t enjoy tortas? Chuy gets a one-way bus ?ride to Mexico.
Got a spicy question about ?Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at email@example.com. Questions will be edited for clarity, cabrones, and include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we’ll make one up