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Rage Against...

Bruce Willis, Maxine Waters and Living Wagers, plus a new religion for Teddy “The Gay Hypocrite” Haggard

Point-Blank Range

. A conversion is long overdue for that venomous, antigay preacher man, Teddy Haggard, who was fired from his high-and-mighty post in the National Association of Evangelicals. His sin: carrying on for three years with a gay prostitute. Dude, you need to shed your hypocritical ways and get the right religion. Send in your application to the Diocese of Los Angeles, to the attention of Cardinal Mahony. In your cover letter, make sure you point out where in your goddamn catechism it says anything about having to pay for diddling privileges.

. If County Supervisor Zev “Derailed Legacy” Yaroslavsky insists on standing on the sidelines and watching the mayor do the heavy lifting on the Subway to the Sea, that’s cool. Maybe we’ll join forces with the L.A. County Chicano Employees Association, which has asked the Justice Department to redraw the boundaries of county supervisorial districts so that two of the five seats would serve Latino-dominated districts. Supervisor Derailed Legacy would see his Westside 3rd District mangled and moved to the San Gabriel Valley. Are you aboard yet, Zev? Be a leader and ask voters to rescind your stifling Measure A, approved in 1998, barring county sales-tax money from going to subway projects. It could be good for the San Gabriel Valley too.

Send gripes, insults — and job offers — to BigAl@lasniper.com.

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