Little Sister the Sky is Falling
Stories from a California girl FICTION
Santa Monica, 1994
It was winter break. I was home from school in New York, dividing my time between Kate and staying with Noah in his new apartment, right after he left Lee. The big earthquake had just happened. It had thrown Kate and me out of bed in the middle of the night. It was a rushing jolt, instead of the low rumble I was used to. There were aftershocks everyday. I was a nervous wreck, scared that the earth was going to open up and let us all fall in.
It had been a couple of years since I’d seen Lyle, and Kate had been talking to him again, he had introduced us. We stopped by the studio where Lyle was recording. He was surprised to see me, but he was wrapping up for the day so the three of us just sat around talking for a while. The whole time, I knew that I would go home with him. At one point, while he was talking to the engineer, I asked Kate if she would pick me up from his house the next day when I called her. I didn’t have a car.
We drove to the beach that night in his black van. We took Sunset all the way, then cut over on Burlingame to San Vicente. There is a beautiful row of strange trees on that road. They were a gift from Africa, and their shapes made eerie shadows in the night. He was renting a house — a big step up from the way we lived in our apartment. He had a dog.
Lyle turned the lights out before we got into bed. He undressed in the dark, leaving his underwear on. Black briefs. I took off my jeans and removed my bra through the sleeve of my T-shirt. I was wearing white boys’ underwear. I thought they were sexy, but suddenly I became self-conscious because he didn’t say anything. Even when his hands started moving over them. His mouth felt safe, he was a great kisser. He took my shirt off. And then the underwear. His mouth moved down my body, over my stomach, and I held his head in my hands feeling his tongue against me. He was good at this. I remembered his words on the phone when we broke up. I don’t think you’ll be the woman I see in you for a long time. And I wondered if I was her yet, if she was closer to the surface. I pulled him up to kiss him, and he was about to put his cock inside me and I asked if he had a condom, and he said no, and I couldn’t fucking believe it. He got up to look and couldn’t find one. He came back, and I sucked him off, still shocked by the fact that he didn’t even think about it, and me still needing to prove myself to him sexually. I put my underwear back on. We fell asleep and were woken up by a strong aftershock. I was so scared; he was too. He held me for a long time, and all I could think was What if I die here? Like this.
Excerpted from California, forthcoming from Suspect Thoughts Press.
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