Tori Spelling's Got My Back . . .

“I don’t want to doAccess Hollywood. I’ve already had access to Hollywood.”

—Ally Sheedy at the Cannes Film Festival when her publicist prematurely tried to end my interview, which was the sole purpose of my trip

“It’s okay, I’m not going to hit you . . .”

—Grace Jones, after making me feel her muscle, then boasting that she’s as strong as any man

“If Jennie gives you any trouble, I’ll kick her ass.”

—Tori Spelling, after inviting me back to the set ofBeverly Hills 90210 just days after her co-star Jennie Garth threw a tantrum and demanded that I immediately be escorted out of the Valley-based sound stage because she hadn’t been informed that a reporter had been invited to observe

“Do you like cottage cheese? It’s Breakstone small curd. It’s my favorite. You can eat it in your hotel room.”

—Sarah Jessica Parker, who concluded our five-hour interview by pulling a snack out of her enormous red plaid handbag

“I’m going to tell your editor that you’re a bobcat in the sack.”

—George Clooney on the totally uninformed, but oddly ­flattering way he planned to boost my pizzazz factor ?at a magazine I was working for

“We don’t have a problem — it’s your editor and my publicist who are creating the problem. So here’s the plan: You and I are going to be in charge of the arrangements. Let’s meet at Will Rogers State Park. I’ll bring lunch. You bring dessert. I’ve set aside the whole day. You can talk to me for as long as you like.”

—Nicole Kidman

“Call 1-888-SALT LICK. Order the family-style barbecue and get some extra habanero sauce. It’s the best: brisket, sausage, everything in the world. They’ll send it to you wherever you are in America, overnight delivery, on dry ice. It’s like 80 bucks. You can’t go wrong. Ask for Bridget. Tell her that I told you to call.”

—Adrian Pasdar

“Don’t shake my hand. I have a cold.”

—Sarah Michelle Gellar

“Avoid them. I’d be angry if someone wrote something mean about me, wouldn’t you?”

—One-time journalist Nora Ephron on what to do if you bump into a person you’ve written about unkindly

“Okay,okay. You can use it.”

—Joel Schumacher, giving in to my entreaty to go on the record with the following quote about why Val Kilmer didn’t appear inBatman and Robin: “Val got fired. For being an asshole. That’s the real story.”