2. Your least-favorite aunt’s hands gnarled with arthritis.
3. Richard Simmons, in sparkly tank top, sobbing and hugging Katrina victims on Extra.
4. Your grandmother sending you a webcam and asking you to download Skype so she can see you and talk to you.
5. Your LiveJournal blog buddy, who stops writing about books he’s read and starts detailing his chemo for what he initially thought was a bad knee. After six weeks of increasing agony, silence. A friend posts on his site that he’s dead, at 37. RIP, Bartleby. Whoever you were.