They also asked, “Can you put your shoulders back?”
Which, she explains, really means, “Can you push your tits out?”
Illustration by Alie Ward
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“I was working with another, very reputable actor, and we were praying, ‘Oh Lord, please don’t let this get picked up — it’s so humiliating.’ But then it ended, and I went back to my other job of mopping up vomit and urine on the dance floor, and I was like, ‘Please let it get picked up! I don’t care! I don’t care! Put me in a bikini, I don’t care!”
Inside the post office, she just pulls out a dollar from her purse, which she somehow accidentally rips in two. She pushes it to the side and purchases her cashier’s check. After she drops off the rent, she’s gonna call it a day. No more driving. Except she’ll work out at the gym and stop by Sav-On to look through the new tabloids. She can’t wait. She heard, “probably on Defamer,” that Tom and Katie were on the cover of Us Weekly, and it’s all about Scientology, and the baby, and that they might be breaking up!