By Besha Rodell
By Patrick Range McDonald
By Michael Goldstein
By Dennis Romero
By Sarah Fenske
By Matthew Mullins
By Patrick Range McDonald
By LA Weekly
FRIDAY, February 3
Nothing kicks off Super Bowl weekend better than a loud, colorful drag show. Men in too much makeup belting out “The Man That Got Away” just revs you up for more man-on-man action running and tumbling down the field. (Insert Dick Butkus joke here.) The Liza and Lorna Show stars the busty Boofont Sisters, who may not know who’s playing in the big game on Sunday, but will give their all in this spoof portraying Judy Garland’s daughters. Celebration Theater, 7051-B Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood; Fri.-Sat., 10:30 p.m.; thru Feb. 24; $20. (323) 957-1884.
SATURDAY, February 4
Happy Year of the Dog! Can you believe it’s 4704 already? Weren’t we just celebrating 4703? This week’s Chinese New Year Festival and 107th Annual Golden Dragon Parade brings joyful noise to the streets of Chinatown all weekend. The parade snakes down Broadway with lively lions and dragons and drummers and a million firecrackers. The entertainment lineup for Saturday and Sunday is massive, with a nonstop barrage of dancers, comics, musicians, poets and acrobats. Parade: Broadway & Hill St., Chinatown; Sat., Feb. 4, 2-5 p.m.; free. Festival: New High & Spring sts., Chinatown; Sat., Feb. 4, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sun., Feb. 5, 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; free. (213) 617-0396, Ext. 10.
Tip: Saturday’s the best day to shop for provisions for the Super Bowl, because you really don’t want to have to leave the house on Sunday. Also, French onion dip is always better when made the day beforehand. Trust me.
SUPER SUNDAY, February 5
Remember women burning their bras in the ’60s to protest male oppression? How quaint. It’s taken a couple of decades, but women have finally come up with a way to get men’s attention away from the TV on Super Bowl Sunday. They put on their fanciest bras for the Bodog.com Lingerie Bowl! At halftime, supermodels (aren’t they all?) in lingerie will play full-contact football against other supermodels in lingerie. Fans (men) can show up early for “the world’s largest tailgate party,” which means food, beer, and the game on the Jumbotron and lots of big screens, plus appearances by Lingerie Bowl League Commissioner Dennis Rodman, Jenny McCarthy, Cindy Margolis and other celebs who had nothing better to do. Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, Exposition Park; Sun., Feb. 5, 4:30-6 p.m.; gates open at 9 a.m.; free (or watch it at home on pay-per-view). www.lingeriebowl.com.
MONDAY, February 6
When a press release promises “Porn the whole family can enjoy,” we take notice. The softcore-porn classic Emmanuelle gets a make-over in the name of funny at this staged reading starring Kris McGaha, Tim Coyne, Murray Valeriano, Gina Manegio, Carol Ann Leif, Wendy Wilkins and Adrian Colesberry, all names that have appeared several million times in this paper’s often-accurate Comedy listings. Expect lots of panting and bad lighting, just like the movie. M Bar, 1253 Vine St., Hollywood; Mon., Feb. 6, 8 p.m.; no cover, buy some food & drinks. (323) 856-0036.
TUESDAY, February 7
Drag shows, porn and lingerie-clad football too much debauchery for you? Maybe you need to cleanse your mind with a squeaky-clean Deanna Durbin motion-picture show. In Something in the Wind, Durbin plays a DJ (not the kind on the ones and twos, we’re guessing). Skirball Cultural Center, 2701 N. Sepulveda Blvd.; Tues., Feb. 7, 1:30 p.m.; free. (310) 440-4500.
WEDNESDAY, February 8
The popularity of Neutral Milk Hotel’sIn the Aeroplane Over the Seamakes it one of those albums with “cult favorite” and “myth machine” permanently affixed to it. And since NMH songwriter Jeff Mangum has since disappeared into seclusion, it stands to reason fans are all Salingering over the new tome by local writer Kim Cooper, editor of Scram journal. Cooper’s written a detailed account of the making of the record as part of publisher 33 1/3’s series of cute little books that delve into the making of one particular album. If they ever need anybody to detail Jethro Tull’s A Passion Play, I’ll be waiting by the phone. Cooper signs and reads at Book Soup, 8818 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood; Wed., Feb. 8, 7 p.m. (310) 659-3110. See Blah Blah Blah, p. 132.
THURSDAY, February 9
Sing with me! “And you and me are free to be .?.?. you and me.” Have truer words ever been written? Take that, Jeff Mangum. If you remember the we-are-the-world sentiments of Marlo Thomas’ Free to Be You and Me, then you are probably living a granola lifestyle in Great Barrington, Massachusetts, or somewhere where the air has nothing but air in it. In Free to Be Friends, Sue Galloway and Julie Klausner are “friendly feminists” (we all know about the other kind) Betty and Joan in this “rip-roaring hootenanny featuring social themes, lesbian propaganda and a goofy owl with a chip on his shoulder.” Guess they won’t be attending the Lingerie Bowl. UCB Theater, 5919 Franklin Ave., Hollywood; Thurs., Feb. 2 & 9, 9:30 p.m.; $8. (323) 908-8702.