Nasdijj's Blog

We’re talking scum.

By the end of any given day of dealing with these people, I need a long, hot shower because they make you feel like you’ve just spent the fucking day in slime.

I remember the white teacher walking back and forth between the desks and she’d smack that ruler on your desk to terrify you and to keep her authority intact.

Revenge is not enough.

At some point you put your work out there and you put your work out there and you put your work out there and you get spit on (I am not kidding) by these people with their “lists” so often you begain to smell like bad saliva yourself.

I feel like I am one of the jews who used to beat the other jews before they stripped them and put them in the gas chambers. We exist to make our masters happy and they in turn reward us with their extraordinary indifference.

*****

Some lives are more valuable than others.

There is no better example of that than white publishing as it exists today.

As children, we learned to not raise our hand, we never had the answers, and we tried not to smell too bad before we got off the trains and walked into the gas chambers. It’s been a bust. It was a lie: reading and writing will not help you. It will not facilitate the slightest change. Revenge is a short-lived animal. Like the naked jew who covers his penis before he turns the shower on, there is no fucking hope for you. You are expendable and you know it and all you can do now is take a long deep breath of the fresh air of paradise and fall to the floor with the rest of the bodies as your lives go down the fucking drain.

Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. I hate Gina Centrello’s fucking guts. Like it matters.

There are literally over a 100,000 children living in America who have been orphaned by AIDS.

You don’t HEAR about them because their stories are not important enough to get out there.

I can see myself submitting a book proposal to Gina Centrello at Random House. The woman would laugh me out of her office: a book on orphaned children living in America with HIV/AIDS?

Ha.

Ha.

“Get the fuck out of my office,” would be the response.

The kind of publishing this woman is cemented to demeans us all. But I have never heard of a reader who ever bothered to complain (gcentrello@randomhouse.com) about the literate nature of the books she publishes. No. They complain to me.

I was more than a little amused to note that when Centrello came to Random House most of the people who actually worked there had this fantastical notion of Centrello coming with Big Numbers of Books Sold. So much for Simon and Schuster.

But no one knew which books. Like it matters.

So I did a little digging.

Gina Centrello (who refused to continue publishing me because I don’t have the numbers) came to Random House with the big hit of the Beavis and Butthead book.

*****

When Was the Last Time A Publishing House Held an AIDS Fundraiser

The last AIDS fundraiser held by an American mainstream publishing house was held during the Mary Todd Lincoln Literary Festival in 1862 where Gina Centrello was awarded the Beavis and Butthead Award for excellence in publishing.

*****

We have given up on AIDS. HIV, however, has not yet given up on us.

People look at me and with a straight face whine: But it’s bigger than we are and what can we do. Poor us.

Listen to me, you stupid worthless fucks, if anyone as big an idiot as I am can DO something . . .

What the FUCK do you THINK you can do.

YES. I’m angry. But I’m not dead yet. GET OVER IT and get OFF your lazy fat ass. And DO something.

Anything.

Is HIV “the enemy.”

No.

Indifference is.

What is publishing. Yes, there IS a connection. It is one of symbolism and symbolisms are important; what do you think LANGUAGE is. It is the abstract symbolism of SOUND.

Indifferent. Indifferent. Indifferent.

Beyond what I DO, what I CAN do is put my foot up their BUTT. They are overdue.