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Published on January 05, 2006
Annual Anagrams America + Iraq = CIA REAM IRAQ Rumsfeld = DR. FLUMES Rumsfeld + Iraq = ALFRED SQUIRM Bush + Rumsfeld = BLUSHED SMURF Bush + Rice = U.S. BE RICH Katrina = ANTI ARK Gov. Arnold = VALOR DONG Antonio Villaraigosa = A VAGINA SALON OIL RIOT Mayor Antonio = AMATORY ONION Tom LaBonge = A BONG MOTEL Brad + Angelina = BAGEL AND RAIN Tom Cruise = MR. SO CUTIE Katie Holmes = LAME HOSE KIT Tom Cruise = I, SO RECTUM Katie Holmes = TOES LIKE HAM Heath Ledger = THE LARGE HED Kanye West = SWEET YANK Conor Oberst = BORN TO SCORE Arcade Fire = A DIRE FARCE Sufjan Stevens = JESUS FAN VENTS Fiona Apple = A POP FINALE White Stripes = HE WRITES SPIT = HER PIES TWIST
—Tom Christie (“ICE SHIT” MORT)
The Rogue Cetacean Death Squad 1. Shelly 2. Kelly 3. Jill 4. Noah 5. Tamara 6. Toni 7. Jackie 8. Elijah Names of the Navy’s Advanced Biological Weapons Systems — bottle-nosed dolphins trained in counter-terror methods and allegedly armed with toxic dart guns — were accidentally freed into the Gulf of Mexico during Hurricane Katrina.
Lies of the Year 1. Thanks 2. Good to see you 3. Appreciate it 4. Funny — really funny 5. No problem 6. You’re welcome 7. Likewise 8. Sounds good 9. Bless you! 10. Rumsfeld
American Freedom 2005 1. Showerless: 4 days 2. Sexless: 365 days 3. Sleepless: 40 hours 4. Hopeless: 15 days 5. Aimless: 213 days 6. Beardless: 293 days 7. Pointless: 40 hours 8. Timeless: 14 hours 9. Mindless: 6 hours 10. Listless: 355 days
—Dave Shulman
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