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10 Expressions From Board and Card Games That Sound Vaguely Dirty: His Nobs — Cribbage Bearing Off — Backgammon Muggins — Cribbage Double Belly-Buster Straight — Poker Crapette — Solitaire Anaconda — Poker Buck Euchre or Dirty Clubs — Euchre Hungarian Tarokk — European Card Game Teen Pathi — Indian Card Game

Zheng Shangyou — Chinese Card Game

—Jon Alain Guzik

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Deadly Latin Things That May or May Not Exist in My Backyard Clostridium tetani Latrodectus mactans Toxoplasma gondii Borrelia burgdorferi Galerina autumnalis Mycotoxin Spongiform encephalopathies Clostridium botulinum Bacillus anthracis Canis latrans Chlorophyllum molybdites

—Bill Smith

20 New Designer Dogs Involving Poodles, and a Few Other Breeds Boxerdoodle — Boxer/Poodle Cairnoodle — Cairn Terrier/Poodle Cockapoo — Cocker Spaniel/Poodle Doodleman Pinscher — Doberman/Standard Poodle Eskapoo — American Eskimo Dog/Poodle Labradoodle — Labrador Retriever/Poodle Malti-Pom — Maltese/Pomeranian Peek-A-Pom — Pekingese/Pomeranian Pekepoo — Pekingese/Poodle Pomchi — Pomeranian/Chihuahua Pomapoo — Pomeranian/Poodle Puggle — Pug/Beagle Pugapoo — Pug/Poodle Saint Berdoodle — Saint Bernard/Poodle Shorkie — Yorkshire Terrier/Shih Tzu Schnoodle — Schnauzer/Poodle Scoodle — Scottish Terrier/Poodle Shepadoodle — German Shepherd/Standard Poodle Whoodles — Soft Coated Wheaton Terrier/Poodle Yorktese — Yorkshire Terrier/Maltese

—Jon Alain Guzik

Glands of the Year 2005 1. Pituitary 2. Pineal 3. Prostate 4. Coccygeal 5. Adrenal 6. Sebaceous 7. Salivary 8. Cowper’s 9. Huguier’s 10. Titties

—Dave Shulman

10 Worst Comics in the L.A. Times

1. “Marmaduke” 2. “Mallard Fillmore” 3. “Cathy” 4. “Marmaduke” 5. “For Better or Worse” 6. “Frazz” 7. “Heathcliff” 8. “Dilbert” 9. “Candorville” 10. “Marmaduke”

—Isabel Gold (age 11)

10 Reasons To Switch From Christianity to Scientology 1. Secret handshake 2. Annual Thetan Jamboree in Trementina, New Mexico 3. Subterranean passages linking Beck’s house to every Starbucks in the city 4. No one feels it necessary to elect a new Hubbard after the old one’s died. 5. Free airplane rides 6. New members receive secret letter explaining Forest Whitaker’s masochistic involvement in Battlefield Earth. 7. Faster Internet 8. Sonny Bono, Donny Osmond, Sonny Bono, Donny Osmond 9. Scientology’s climactic moment does not involve destruction of the planet. 10. More Hollywood; fewer politicians

—Bill Smith

Promised Yourself You’d Finish But Didn’t 1. The Gormenghast Novels 2. Gravity’s Rainbow 3. The Macintosh Bible 4. The Oxford English Dictionary 5. The World of Pooh 6. Webster’s New World Encyclopedia 7. Finnegans Wake 8. The Internet 9. Flossing 10.

—Dave Shulman

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