Mr. Right Now | A Considerable Town | Los Angeles | Los Angeles News and Events | LA Weekly
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Mr. Right Now 

Thursday, Nov 24 2005
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Dial tone . . . 213 559 2300 . . . funky porn music . . . “Welcome to Mr. N. [Meet Right Now], your best place to meet the hottest guys from all over Southern California. If you’re an experienced caller and want to get right into the action, press 1 to connect live and scan profiles. All callers must be 18 years or older . . . ” Mr. N. is a “meeting place” for guys, where users record their profiles and tap into an interactive phone system that allows you to screen prospective “buddies.” It’s extremely user-friendly. No computer required. Plus, you get a free five-day trial membership, and there are so many guys to choose from.It took a few practice runs before I got my profile just right. After toying with things like “Eddie,” a 23-year-old Hispanic with a shaved head, goatee, tattoos, buff body and eight inches, uncut, I decided to stick closer to the truth. I would be “Mike,” a 40-year-old art fag from downtown, 5’ 8’’, 160 pounds, with blue eyes and some other stuff that’s just between me and Mr. N.I got two messages in my Mr. N. voicemail box in just 10 minutes. Five minutes later, I heard from five more guys who wanted to Meet Rite Now! Fantastic! And it’s only 8:45 a.m. I could do this 24/7 and never even have to leave the house. If I did one per hour, allowing time to sleep (10 hours per week) and recover from the inevitable chafing and other related complications (another 10 hours per week), I could still see 148 guys a week. Well, perhaps that’s a little ambitious, but you have to admit the possibilities are exhilarating!My first message was from a guy who sounded fascinating: “Hey man, I’m in Echo Park, right near downtown. What you wanna get into?” Of course, there is a down side to Mr. N. Just ask Eli (not his real name). The 22-year-old Latino met Mr. N. through a friend when he was still a tender young teenage virgin. “The person that gave it to me was Carlo,” he confesses. “I just saw him on the bus last week. He was skinny and tore up. He introduced me to the place. I was 17 and really horny and lonely. I got to know people fast. You meet people who want to film you and do threesomes. Somewhere along the line it became about drugs. I would say that 15 out of 30 guys are on crystal. I was searching for sex, and the drugs just came along. By the time it was over I was prostituting for crystal meth weekly. Probably 200 times total. A lot of people are doing that. They just don’t think of it as prostitution. I never had safe sex. It’s a little slow during the day. But the weekends are really busy.” Eli went to rehab and got a job, but still shudders when he talks about his time with Mr. N.Andrea (not her real name), a 26-year-old mother of three, met her running partner/boyfriend/neighbor on Mr. N. a few weeks before. Yes, the hyenas can hit up Mr. N. too. She’s currently in a court-mandated, nine-month residential drug rehab after a social worker reported her to Child Welfare Services when Andrea overdosed on crystal meth with one of her kids in the house. William (his real name) and his friends used to call Mr. N. “We would all just hang out and call up on the speaker phone. We would talk shit to people. It was like a fucking joke or something. Then sometimes they’d have trannies come over and fuck ’em in the bedroom. Not me. Some of my friends. They’d be smoking crack and fucking trannies. I moved on from all that shit. It’s just some stupid bullshit for some sick people.” Wow, this place makes the drug-infested online slutfest Gay.com look like your granny’s Tupperware party in Encino. I’d have to be suicidal to go cock shopping on Mr. N. Well . . . at least without tweaking my profile a little to weed out the junkies and focus on attracting a more high-functioning member of the sex addict set.“Hi, I’m Victor. Straight looking/acting guy from Ohio. Six foot. No tattoos. No drugs. Built. Versatile top.”

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Reach the writer at sam@samslovick.com

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