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Call me Nostradamus

10 signs of the apocalypse

8. Foresworn by all for his sky of diamonds/The captain charges the citadel with his prize. William Shatner released Has Been, his collaboration with musician Ben Folds, only days after winning an Emmy for his supporting role on The Practice. Many critics agreed Shatner is now producing works of subtle humor and artistic merit.

9. The twins claim the dark man’s pledge/Silencing the hopes of two pale men. Bruce Springsteen’s pro-Kerry Vote for Change tour ended decades of strenuously maintained political neutrality; Eminem’s "Mosh" video was a last-minute attempt to sway the electorate against Bush; but both were trumped in the battle for celebrity endorsements when gossip spread that OutKast’s Andre 3000 would perform at the Republican National Convention. It horrified most of their fan base, and the rumors turned out to be false, but that didn’t stop Jenna and Barbara Bush from harnessing the buzz for their dad by quoting "Hey Ya" in their convention speech.

10. A man of science chooses a stout consort/And a strange chorus will ensure their fierce plans. The cultlike Dallas rock collective the Polyphonic Spree followed up their high-profile appearance on the MTV Music Video awards in Miami with a brief two-song set at the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony in Oslo, Norway, an event hosted by Oprah Winfrey and noted Scientologist Tom Cruise. It will air, after press time, on the E! channel, two days before Xmas. I fear that none of us may survive.

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