9 reason

"What can I say? I’m Curious George . . ."

—Judd Nelson, after I discovered that he’d dumped out my purse while I’d gone to retrieve fresh batteries and was examining the contents

Photo by Stacy Kravitz

"No, I haven’t read the article yet. But friends of mine have."

—Julie Kavner, at the end of two screechy, expletive-laced telephone calls from her complaining about a flattering magazine profile I’d written about her

An extended middle finger.

—Shannen Doherty, informing me how she will signal to me that I can talk to her . . . after keeping me waiting two days for an interview on the set of Satan’s School for Girls in Montreal, Canada

"Ah nevah discuss such unpleasantness!"

—a hissing Dixie Carter, when asked to elaborate on her repeated references to "the unpleasantness" surrounding her Designing Women co-star Delta Burke

"Ah ink ‘Ort Uts’ and ‘Anya On Orty Econ Eet’ ave e ar istic edibility."

—Julianne Moore, answering a question while flossing her teeth

"It never OCCURRED TO ME FOR A SECOND. I mean, how TRIVIAL, how FACILE. That one is only for the most facile mind. What would a drag queen tell me about GARLAND? How’s that going to help me as an ACTRESS? No. No. The answer is NO."

—an irritated Judy Davis, when asked if she’d watched Garland -impersonators as part of her research for the TV movie Life With Judy Garland: Me And My Shadows

"I have to go now. I have a really bad case of the flu."

—Scarlett Johanssen, after speaking to me for 15 minutes while — inexplicably — holding my hands in her hands

"That’s a real smart-alecky magazine you work for . . . That’s a -stupid question."

—Lyle Lovett, when he wasn’t furiously scowling or not answering questions altogether

"Yes, that is a rifle."

—Val Kilmer