Strange Love

It’s our belief that our new “right is right” attitude will prove effective in luring other clients who’ve previously been in the closet about their conservative politics. Did any of you read that recent article in Details magazine about the Republican Party’s “bubblegum star power” in Hollywood? No one? Of course, we must look upon the piece with skepticism since legal tells us that the author, Ruth Shalit, was busted for cribbing when she wrote for The New Republic. How perfect that she’s writing about the biz now.

According to the article, the GOP is claiming Freddie Prinze Jr., Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey and Mandy Moore. No high-fiving just yet. Because Mandy’s publicist went postal and told Shalit, “Mandy is not, nor has she ever been, a Republican.” The wording of that statement sounds really familiar, like dialogue from that old Sydney Pollack/Bob Redford flick, The Way We Were. I smell remake, with Mandy as Babs, fighting the 9/11 Commission which wants to blame W. for everything, and Adam Sandler as Redford. You haven’t heard that the article claims Sandler and his entire production company are rednecks, I mean, Republicans? Who better to support a born-again Christian president than an actor who got famous for singing “The Chanukah Song”?

Not that this new strategy is not going to have setbacks. We told the Bushies to ask Britney Spears to the convention after she said this to CNN’s Tucker Carlson about the war in Iraq: “Honestly I think we should just trust our president in every decision he makes and should just support that, you know, and be faithful in what happens.” But the damn religious right — I meant to say our friends from Bible study class, which from now on will be mandatory — didn’t want no slutty-dressing, Madonna-kissing whore parading around with them. Too bad, I wanted to go after the Bush twins next.

E-mail at deadlinehollywood@gmail.com.