Hollywood OVERHEARD

Some of these statements are uncommonly stupid (though nothing can match the Jessica Simpson “I don’t eat buffalo” comment about meaty chicken wings). Some are daringly honest. And some are ridiculously mendacious. Here’s hoping you can tell the difference:

“Some of the programs just sucked.” NBC Broadcast, Cable and News president Jeff Zucker, about why NBC axed so many fall shows, including its heavily hyped U.S. version of the big British sitcom hit Coupling

“U.S. Coupling was commissioned by NBC, promoted as the new Friends by NBC (we asked them not to), promoted as the sexiest show on TV by NBC (we begged them not to), promoted as ‘the show you’re all talking about’ by NBC (no one had seen it, how could they be talking about it?), scheduled by NBC, noted to death by NBC, canceled by NBC, and publicly blamed and disowned by NBC.” Steven Moffat, the writer and creator of Coupling

“Once we watched it, we were mortified.” ABC Entertainment president Susan Lyne about the network’s crappy reality show Are You Hot?

“I was just playing a part. If I knew what everything was, it wouldn’t be funny.” Paris Hilton, on whether she was for real when she asked her Arkansas hosts on The Simple Life, “What’s Wal-Mart? Do they sell walls there?”

“I’m going to be the biggest ass ever on this show and win a million dollars doing it.” Survivor: Pearl Islands contestant Jon Dalton, who concocted a lie that his elderly grandmother had died simply to elicit sympathy and win a reward challenge

“Sumner Redstone and I have never had a conversation about the Reagan miniseries, never once.” CBS head Les Moonves, about accusations he caved to his bosses to deep-six the Reagans TV movie because of right-wing bullying

“I began conversations about converting to a producer deal because the learning curve was beginning to dissipate.” John Goldwyn, vice chairman of Paramount’s motion-picture group and Paramount’s president, about suddenly leaving his job

“I started wanting to do this right after I paid my income taxes this year.” Arthur Cohen, president of worldwide marketing for Paramount’s motion-picture group, about suddenly leaving his job

“I told him, ‘We don’t have to change it to a Prius. Let him drive a Porsche.’” Warner Bros. chief Alan Horn, an ardent environmentalist, on what he told one of his production executives after reading a script portraying a hero driving a Hummer

“Let’s just say, with my tickets to the Golden Globes this year, they sent me binoculars.” Alan Horn on why he finally started a specialty film unit after years of seeing his profitable Warner movies being passed over at awards time

“You mean these awards aren’t given on the merits?” U.S. District Judge Michael B. Mukasey, commenting on the Oscars during a court hearing about the screener ban

“They are given on the merits, just like political elections are on the merits.” Attorney Richard Cooper, representing the plaintiffs who support the screener ban, responding to Judge Mukasey’s question

“Maybe Oscars are like pizzas; if you deliver them sooner, people are more interested.” Bruce Davis, executive director of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences, on why the Academy Awards were moved up by a month for 2004

“There’s always the case of Michael Eisner firing us, but that might be a cause for celebration in all quarters — ours included.” Miramax co-chairman Harvey Weinstein, about possibly breaching a ban on sending movie tapes to Academy Award voters

“Disney’s CEO, Michael Eisner, is Jewish; the chief of Miramax, Harvey Weinstein, is Jewish. Yes, there are plenty of Christian and other Hollywood executives who worship money above all else, promoting for profit the adulation of violence. Does that make it right for Jewish executives to worship money above all else, by promoting for profit the adulation of violence? Recent European history alone ought to cause Jewish executives to experience second thoughts about glorifying the killing of the helpless as a fun lifestyle choice.” Journalist Gregg Easterbrook, opining on The New Republic’s Web site in a blog about the Disney/Miramax movie Kill Bill’s violence

“He makes every film better.” Walt Disney Studio chairman Dick Cook, describing what his boss Michael Eisner does during story meetings about movie scripts

“I can fully understand the suspicion of possible nepotism with my son as a candidate.” Rupert Murdoch, facing down rebel shareholders at British Sky Broadcasting who opposed his appointing 30-year-old son James as chief executive

“People want to believe that we’re a bunch of crazy people running around ignoring the rules.” Peter Chernin, News Corp.’s No. 2, on accusations that boss Rupert Murdoch does whatever the hell he wants to at the company, in defiance of corporate governance

“Ron came in when it was owned by a Japanese appliance company that sold it to a liquor company that subsequently sold it to a water-treatment company.” GE vice chairman Bob Wright, deciding to hang on to Vivendi Universal Entertainment’s Ron Meyer after NBC sewed up its $14 billion transaction to take over VUE