ENJOY WHILE YOU CAN, BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH Our Leaders still haven't found Osama bin Laden or a way for all of us to afford basic health care, education, food, clothing and shelter, they have found, using only obscene quantities of state and federal tax dollars, 50 people selling apple surrogates on the Internet. According to the Department of Justice Web site, "Federal law provides for a maximum total sentence of three years in prison, a fine of $250,000, or both, with respect to each [apple] set forth in the indictments."
But I beg your pardon. I hope I haven't interrupted your television show again. Sorry. Finish your beer, America, and go back to sleep in your chair. Your children are safe from pleasure. Your government is in control.