Can I Get a Witness?

NOT EVEN GOD IS ABOVE SUCH THOUGHTS: AS the story goes, the first thing It did after completing the basic package -- sky, earth, water, elephants -- was to create an audience, someone to say, "Well done, God!" It made Itself a little pal, to reflect back Its glory -- but then made the mistake of making Its pal a little pal of its own, who turned out to be more attractively configured. (The Lord Your God is a Jealous God -- James M. Cain would have been proud to write that story.) And that is how babies are born.

At the same time, God is the ultimate audience. It is a great comfort, to the sort of people who take great comfort in such thoughts, to think not a sparrow falleth but that God doesn't mark it down in the big book of fallen sparrows. God sees you, too, if It is not too busy keeping track of the birds -- sees you playing your video game, standing on your head, putting beans up your nose, all that clever stuff you can do. It sees you when you're sleeping, It knows when you're awake, and when you're really awake but pretending to be asleep. Still, given the unreliability of divine feedback, even the most ardent believers cultivate the interest of people-sized people.

There may be a few real hermits in the world, those rare individuals who thrive individually, who really feel at home on a mountaintop or a desert island. But most of us require at least one other person around in order to feel substantial, opaque -- not a ghost. Self-satisfaction only goes so far; no one gets dressed up pretty merely to please themselves. The fact that I can say the alphabet backward is only valuable to me in that it ultimately might impress you. Also there is this thing I do with my ears. You really ought to see it.