Load Warriors

"She doesn't want to fuck you, bro," someone says, and the crowd disperses. Then, from an opposite entrance, an enterprising chap appears wearing a motorcycle helmet affixed with a giant rubber dildo. "That is gonna get put to use, I guarantee," somebody else says. The synchronicity of the moment overtakes the crowd. A cheer goes up as the naked woman is brought back into the houseboat. This time she relents, and the man in the helmet kneels before her, putting the dildo first in her mouth, to lubricate it, and then into her vagina, as guys on either side of her hold her feet. People are crammed up against the windows of the houseboat now, and the roof starts to creak from the additional weight of those hanging over the edge. She continues to laugh.

Two girls stop by on their way to the roof to join the reinvigorated party there.

"What's going on?" one of them asks.

"You'd better see for yourself," one guy tells her, and the crowd parts momentarily in case she envisions a role for herself in the proceedings. "That is some fucked-up shit," she says and continues on to join the dancing girls on the roof.

Steve, a tall, well-chiseled carpenter on L.A.'s Paramount lot who sometimes works security for George, has been coming here since '91. "That's nothing," he says. "Last year, we hooked a dildo up to a Makita screw gun [a hand-held power drill]. We had girls spread wide open . . . It's an adult playground gone wild. I've seen a cucumber up the ass, a Jack Daniel's bottle up the ass. She pulled it out, took a swig, put the top back on and crammed it back in. Dude, that's pretty wild."

This is Eyes Wide Shut meets Animal House.

"We have gone to the edge a little bit," George admits. "Absolutely we have. And sometimes you wonder, 'Why do you do that?' I'll tell you why. Because when that snowball starts rolling down the hill and starts picking up momentum, and your competitors are biting at your heels, you've got to come up with something else. So you've got to keep a real good frame on things. You really do. Especially at the river."

Back outside, a steady stream of guys have been trying to force their way onto the boat, and Willie has had to get physical.

"Get some of these people off the boat," George, suddenly upset, calls down. Keith makes a beeline for the stern, where a couple of young guys are taking it easy, and tells them to get off the boat.

"Fuck you, man, we're with the girls," one of them says.

Without a pause, Keith punches one of them in the face, pushes him off the back of the boat, and dropkicks the other one in the side of the head. Whoomp -- there it is. The second guy crumples and rolls over the side, and his friends have to haul him onto a nearby boat, where he's visibly dazed.

Unfortunately, this happened to be Kristen's boyfriend in civilian life, as well as a friend of Brandy's, and all hell breaks loose. The girls are now divided down the middle. "I am so embarrassed," Kristen says as she and Natalie gather their things to leave. They beseech Brandy to come with them. Brandy is torn, but finally leaves with her friends. Keith goes back inside the houseboat to cool off. "I feel bad now," Keith says. "Did you see me nail that guy?"

To pick up the slack, Delilah works the stripper pole, coating her hands with her own natural lubricants as a resin. Hanging upside-down, she bites the cap off a bottle of beer and pours it down her chest. She has an actual Hell's Angel in tow, a huge guy with his colors tattooed on his arm, and she gets him past Willie and onto the boat, where he sits at the base of the flagpole like any five Marines guarding the high ground. Her friend Darian comes aboard as well, providing the opportunity to solve another of the day's nagging questions.

What does that tattoo mean -- the iron crosses and the word Ari?

"It's not racist," she says, apologetically. "It's my oldest daughter's name."

Delilah has a Mad Hatter's top hat on now and is displacing a fifth of gin into a bottle of Orange Snapple. Mike wanders out onto the boat and makes a gesture for a woman dancing on the roof to flash her breasts. She looks down at his shorts. Him first. However, this is one trick Mike never tires of, and he lowers his shorts to his knees, revealing himself in his full glory. She rolls her eyes and lowers her own bottoms, completing the transaction. Delilah gets back on the pole, but almost immediately becomes incensed at someone above who has doused her with water, making it harder to perform her routine. Words are exchanged, and she tries to get her biker friend to send a message, but there's about a 12-foot drop from the roof of the houseboat. Unfortunately, Delilah is not the type to let these things go, and she scales the railing until she's in some guy's face and backs him down to her satisfaction.